Hi Pam....yeah, making it through the anniversary of bomb day feels like a victory of sorts. As I look back, I'm so thankful to at least be down the road from that horrible time, even if not where I want to be.
I knew all last summer (actually a year ago last summer, this is fall, isn't it?) something was up with H....I knew at almost EXACTLY the time it turned physical....I suspect an emotional affair started at just about the time she came to work here and was in the office next to him, which was two years ago this coming November....
As I look back now, all the signs were so obvious, my instincts were screaming warnings all over the place, I even had dreams over and over again!!!!
Anyway, I KNEW what was going on, even who, but H denied it and said i was being paranoid and imagining stuff.....yeah, right....But I wanted so much to believe him that I stuffed all my intuitive warnings inside and thought I was really losing it. Last fall, I noticed that S12 was very withdrawn and quiet and sullen.....I couldnt for the life of me figure out what was up with him...he's shy around others sometimes, but around me he never shuts up, I literally have to ask him every now and then to be quiet so I can think. It was so out of character for him....H was taking him camping to the lake....a "father/son" activity....yeah, right, they were picking up OW & her D and taking them camping.....
H was gone on Bomb Day, I think "to work" (this was a Saturday)....I was outside watering flowers, and got a phone call. It was a guy, (I think OW's ex-live-in boyfriend) who said I should ask S about the camping weekends.....I had had that little nagging voice anyway....so I did....
Lord, the poor kid broke down like the flood gates had been opened. He was so consumed with guilt it was just eating him up. His dad had been taking him with him to carry on all this crap w/OW, and telling him to keep it secret.
I called OW and gave her my opinion of the situation...LMAO now, I think H was probably at her house when I did, looking back....he came home a couple of hours later, walked through the house without a word, sat down in a chair in the living room looking like he'd been hit by a truck, and I let him have it with both barrels. I remember we both cried all that night and all the next day, I begged and pleaded....reminded him of the promise he made to me before God and our family and friends, and did every other BAD dbing trick known to humankind......I have to say I didn't fully understand how deep and complicated a mess it was....somehow, I naively believed that if I just told him he was mistaken, that I truely did love and want him and that I would work on the things that made him unhappy, that he would say "oh, sorry dear, how could I have been so blind, of course I will immediately tell her to take a hike"
Now at least I can ROFL at my, shall we say, lack of understanding? I remember being blown away on Sunday when I figured out that oh, golly, gee whiz (duh) there was sex involved and she WANTED HIM....wanted him to leave me and marry her......ah yes, and then the sordid drama began!
I'll say one thing, it's taken every ounce of inner strength and stubborness I've had, then some, extra that God had to have thrown in, to get this far.
