Deb...

Your H is acting perfectly normal for your situation.

My H gets mad at me when I get "too upset." Actually, he told me the other day that he feels like, when I cry on him, that I'm "throwing it in his face." (I have heard that phrase sooo many times it makes me want to puke!) Heh. If I wanted to, I could say a lot of horrible stuff. But I'm an adult, it wouldn't really help me, and quite honestly, it wouldn't really make me feel any better. We just went 'round this one last night.

I'm betting he still can't face what he's done yet. You getting upset or anxious only reminds him of how much he's hurt you. And it makes him feel like a bad person. So he's retreating...or, the defensiveness is coming across as anger. (I actually used to do this myself.)

I'm not saying he doesn't feel bad. He just hasn't come to terms with it all yet himself. And that usually doesn't happen until he's completely and totally disconnected from OW. Which, as we all know, can be a nasty process.

Okay, now that I've taken a stab at what might be going on with your H, you, BTW, are acting perfect normal as well.

It's okay to be insecure and needy. Doesn't mean you have to act on it. But try to watch that fine line between pushing him away and getting the reassurance that you need. He may not be able to give you everything yet, because he may be just emotionally drained. (Guys retreating into their "cave" and all that stuff.)

And BTW...after H's whole nonsense about me "throwing it in his face" and how I never let him forget...late last night he broke down, couldn't quit crying, and kept asking me to forgive him. Sometimes I think he blames himself more than I blame him, and that's why he's so sensitive when I get upset.

I think these guys need to feel safe and secure before that barrier gets broken through to let the guilt out. Know what I mean? I push too hard, and H retreats. I relax, and he'll crack a little more. It's a weird little dance, but hopefully we're moving forward with it.

So...if you're not getting the attention you need, maybe you need some "you" time. It always helps me feel better. Remember, it's not entirely up to your H to make you feel better...and some point you will know when it's okay to let go and feel safe again. (And I bounce around, back and forth, a lot... )

It's perfectly normal for you to be sensitive around "trigger" activities on his part. (I have this weird thing with H going to the gym without me, and I have no idea why...).

And yes, I understand the whole bomb-day anniversary anxiety. (The first bomb-day in our sitch was last year, about a week into October.) I had it, too. Somehow things I hadn't thought of in awhile and had thought I was past just came back up again.

Just take a deep breath, and realized that it's a process...it takes time...and you will feel better.

And I agree, I don't think your H is really going to leave you for OW.

Just take it one day at a time. (And remember how much better things are now than they were six months...a year ago...)

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]