I don't know if this will help but I have had similar situations with my H. Every time I have asked for reassurance about his ONS that it really was a ONS and not something more and that it really is over he gets angry. I finally asked him why he was getting angry. Was he angry at me? He said no, He is angry at himself. Every time the ONS is brought up he has to relive how stupid he acted and how much he hurt me. He is struggling with forgiving himself. I think he has an intense fear that I will never get past it and that I will never believe him and I will never trust him again. He is trying so hard to show me that he loves me and that he is trustworthy and every time I say anything about it I think he sees it as undermining his efforts. Sage has a really good post about a discussion she had with her H that I think may help.
