I believe we are going to make it, but I still struggle with worry that H will go back to OW....things are generally very good between us, although I want to ramp up the romance, and need to to get the KLA tapes....
I find that I'm having a hard time letting go of the hurt and anguish and distrust. maybe I'm expecting too much of myself too soon, next week will be the first anniversary of "the bomb", and it hasnt yet been 2 months since H told me it was over w/OW....
We were off work yesterday, butI had a hard time because H went to do paper work in the morning, and got home later than he said he would. This is the first time he's gone to work on the weekend since he told me "it" was over, and I knew it would be tough. I'm sorry to say I was in tears by the time he came in. He was very apologetic, and I believe he did go to try to catch up on paper work, as his annual review is next week and he's worried about it. His manner is also different than it was when he was going to see the b---h. I just still have a hard time, probably compounded by the fact that he was gone Friday to a workshop, and next week's "bomb"anniversary. Yesterday morning before he left, he told me he loved me more than ever, and sounded like he meant it....last night I asked him if he still sees her, and he said "no, why?" and it's hard to describe but he sounded sincere. I asked if he still calls, he said no, said she occasionally ????emails him, just a "hi" type of thing, but I sure don't like that. I asked if he still misses her alot, and he said "sometimes"....I told him I hoped the day would come when he'd be happy enough with me that he wouldnt feel that way. He said "the two are completely unrelated, I am happy with you".... This morning before work he told me my hair looked nice, which is unusual....but I can live with hearing it!
I got an email from him this morning that he's really busy, has several emergencies coming in, and is praying for a cancellation so he can get his paperwork done and not have to do it on the weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know paper work is a problem for clinicians, but I just have such a hard time still because that is when he used to go see ow.
He did say he loved me in the email, and that he needed some snuggle time tonight. He is loving and fun and considerate, initiates ML every other day, and yet still I am so terrified he will go back to her.
I don't have a clue how to get past this. I don't think he understands the depth of the issue, and I dont' know how to get through to him with out alienating him/pushing him away.
I'm trying to just keep the focus on what works (making stuff good at home) but it still gnaws at me. He does seem to have a different attitude than when he was with OW, and certainly different than pre-bomb. I don't know how to describe it, just happier/more content. My mom even commented on it a couple of weeks ago.
Has anyone else dealt with this????? How did you get through it????? I really could use some ideas....
