Thanks Slowly, I think you're absolutely right about not expecting too much too soon, and focusing on our selves. I need to keep reminding myself of that. Although I do need to keep up efforts "speak" in H's LL's, more and more I am coming to understand that a lot of where I went wrong before......
I've not had much time to post lately, things are so busy. But, H seems to be closer this week after I felt he was more distant. weird, How I just get those feelings.
He is beginning to joke with me some about OW. I think that's good, from the standpoint that in order to be able to joke about it, he has to be giving up some of the emotional investment.
Tuesday was his long 12-hour day here in the home office where OW works. I finally finished up my list of 110 things I adore about him, laminated it, put it in an envelope and stuck it in his mailbox before I left for the evening (OW saw me put it there, I'm surprised he got it!)........He emailed me that he loved it and appreciated it, that it was creative and original, although a list of 100 things she loved to do with him had been done before. I emailed him back that it irritated me to know she beat me to my ideas...he emailed back that he was sorry, he was just teasing, and he truely did treasure it. This morning he told me it was a year ago this past July that she gave him that, when things were really "hot" (before I even knew about the A). It's a tremendous relief to me when he discloses these tidbits, and I find they come more easily now. I have to believe that means he a)hurts less from the breakup and b)feels more comfortable talking to me.
I still have my rough moments, but I think I'm making progress. Continuing to focus on what I need to accomplish personally and building "good stuff" into our M and home life seem to be the keys. I now know for sure that WOA has to be one of H's top LL's, and he was STARVING for it, even from childhood...that's how OW got her ugly foot in the door. I certainly intend to make sure that never happens again.
If only it hadnt taken me all these years to learn this! Duh!
