I finally have a few minutes to post....where to start. Weekend was pretty uneventful as far as H, but D & SIL moved 8 hours away, we helped them pack and saw them off, and it was VERY emotional for all of us, I'm still teary as I type this.
I felt like H was kind of distant from me, and I responded by being "kind of" anxious and clingy . I think part of that is all that's been going on, part of it is rebound from the A, I'm certain. At one point H commented that I was clingy....I apologized for being that way, and he said, well, you've had a lot to deal with, turning 50 one week and D leaving the next (no mention of his part, though)

Not much talk of OW, but she is really weird when I see her. last night I happened to get on the freeway right behind her, and she immediately stepped on the gas, the woman had to be going at least 20 miles over the speed limit.

H is really horny, I havent initiated ml because he does it before I get a chance. I can't complain about that.

I find myself really at loose ends after being focused for so long on getting him to recommit. I am not at all sure how to proceed from here. I want us to build a NEW and GREAT M together...but not sure how to start....Any one have any ideas? Are the KLA tapes here geared to that?

I am also having a hard time with trust, and accepting that the A is really over, and I must admit a great deal of my anxiety and clingyness comes from that. I've decided I need to ask H for what I want/need, but it is difficult and delicate...last night in conversation he told me he hasn't had any communication w/OW for "several weeks", whatever that means. That she was called into talk to the HR director for not doing her job (hMMMMMMMMMMM, am I surprised) but that a corrective action plan hasnt been done yet. If she got fired, I don't know if it would be better or worse. As a nurse, that's a high demand profession in this area,so she'd probably not have much trouble finding something else. I'd feel sorry for her poor D, though. enough focus on OW....

This morning I told H that I still needed reassurance, and asked if the other thing was really over...he looked exasperated, and said "yes, I believe it is"....whatever that means. I didnt go into detail about what would be reassuring to me at the time....just wanted to brooch the subject. I told him again I was sorry for my anxiety, then added "but from what I've read, it's normal" and he said "yes, I know it is"....of course he does, he does marital counseling, for heavens sake. but, it was good to hear him admit it, now we'll see where things go.

I got an email from him this morning, telling me to be careful driving today (have to go out of town)...emailed him back a mushy one, and he responded warmly although not mushily.

I've been reading threads although not posting much...it seems that Slowly and Sage are dealing with much the same stuff......helpful thoughts there.

I'm going to try tracking what I do to meet H's LL as Sage is doing, seems like a place to start. Other than that, I need to give some thought to how to regroup and set some new goals.

and, oh yeah, maybe I need to just keep my hands off the rope and remember to focus on putting fun in our lives/making home the best place to be. That in itself seems to go a long way.

Any suggestions/thoughts out there?

been around awhile!