Well, if you think about it, they're just doing what we were all doing a few months ago--namely, trying to function. The "act as if." I used to "try not to think about it" just to get through the day. I bet that's exactly what these guys are doing. The whole thing, all at once, is too much to deal with. I know my H hurt himself as much, if not more, than he did me.

IMHO, they're going through the same stages...just a little delayed. Sooner or later, they *will* have to deal with it in order to heal. I guess they could be dealing with it differently, since they're guys, but I'm not convinced. (And we have the BB here for support! What do they have?)

Which is what I mean by "letting myself feel." I'm tired of boxing up my emotions. I have to go through them to get rid of them, so that's what I'm doing. I'm not saying that I let them run my life! Just saying I let myself feel them. I've had some very good, heatlhy cries the last month or so...the kind where I'm actually releasing all that hurt, not just feeling stuck in it. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I came to the realization that it's going to be a long process. I read somewhere it takes about two years for the worst of the feelings to fade. When I began to think of it that way, I quit putting so much pressure on myself to "feel okay." If I don't feel okay, that's fine to. But I'm not "punishing" H for it--I just tell him I'm feelng a little insecure, and ask for a hug and some reassurance.

And once I quit "trying to feel okay"--I actually kind of did.

So I guess, I'm not trying to wallow in pity, but I'm also being realistic in that I'm going to feel upset at times. Does that make any sense?

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]