Lots and lots of flattery... My H's self-esteem was shot. (I'm sure that's how xow creeped in.) So I found all kinds of ways to build him up. Told him how hot he was, how sweet he was, how great he was with me...how much I loved him... Just constantly. (He responds well to WOA.) I make sure to notice--and especially tell him whenevery he does anything nice for me. Just trying to make him feel appreciated. It seems to have worked well. Some of it has finally sunk in...took a few months...but he's relaxed a whole lot more now.

I also found if I told him how great he was at something I wanted him to do more of--say, how he's sooo sweet and helps to clean up all of the time, even when he didn't--it increased that behaviour.

And spend some fun, light-hearted time together! We go out and play putt-putt. And now we're trying tennis. Trying new things helps, too...I read somewhere that's a great intimacy builder.

Hope this helps!

[color:"purple"]Nevanna[/color]