Quote: Lillie said: --------------- ..... Geez, talk about having to do all the work. I still think LDs are lazy and want to be taken care of! (Incoming frying pans! ) ---------------
Okay. I have ignored this up until now.
This is a crock full to the brim and overflowing with crap.
I have not doubt that you feel you are doing all the work. I know I did. I also have absolutely no doubt that IF down the line, you manage to be in a more normal relationship, you will find that the effort to get there is closer to equal between partners than you can imagine right now.
CeMar wrote:
Quote: I have said this before, as the HD male, we have to put forth far more effort to improve the relationship then the LD women has to
ricsgirl918 wrote:
Quote: As the HDW I feel like I am doing all the work
honeypot wrote:
Quote: I have to give an inordinant amount of relational intimacy in order for him to feel safe enough to want to ML with any frequency. On the other hand, when we have sex, he gets the intimacy straight away. There is a tip in the balance scales and they always seem to come down on his side
Mojo wrote:
Quote: The HD spouse is under continuous pressure to exhibit "good behavior" in order to avoid celibacy
Even Mrs NOPkins wrote:
Quote: I also believe strongly that one spouse should not keep working alone for an extended period of time
Each person has to want to work and has to want the R to work. It just seems like the HD is the one who has to make it happen. At least in this group.
Reading the stories in this forum, it's hard to imagine an LD spouse "pressuring" the other spouse to go to C to tone/down his/her sex drive and create more intimacy in the R. I'm not saying it's impossible, but it doesn't seem to be what's happening in this group. Maybe we've self-selected out somehow by being computer users...
Maybe "lazy" was the wrong way to put it (I was in a very bad mood this morning). Maybe "willing to let the partner shoulder the bulk of the emotional work in the relationship during the periods when the relationship is at its least functional" would be a more accurate description.
P.S. It's very sporting of y'all to let a total stranger toss a golden apple into the middle of the room this way. I appreciate the lively conversation. I'm truly learning a lot!
