I should have phrased it this way: My H would never even think it was a possibility to participate in this state. If he can't get it up--or, rather, doesn't feel inclined to even try--then all bets are off.
I think the LDW's are much more inclined to "help" their spouses out in this scenario than the guys are. My H honestly believes that any and all sexual encounters should happen because he is horny and hard for me. This takes ALL of the focus off me and "us" and puts it on him. No wonder he feels pressure! There are lots of ways he could participate in my sexuality without being hard or horny for me but this thought is yucky to him, for some reason. (yeah I know I am beginning to sound like my kids with the 'yucky' stuff, but I can't think of the right word and my coffee hasn't kicked in yet:)
Of course, I am not so caught up in my own side of things that I can't see what the obvious problem is in the above situation: My H knows me well enough to know that him giving me a hj or oral and having NO desire to join in at the end would severely depress me.
So what I want is for him to offer it and then get so turned on that he wants to join me. He (wisely?) declines this, with the fear that he may have to disappoint me when it doesn't result in him wanting to play. I have never known my H NOT want to play after either of these activities but I'm sure he feels a bit manipulated if/when that happens.
