MrsNOP, I am responding to the chicken-and-egg theory of relational intimacy to lube the sex; or sex to lube the intimacy comment.
While I totally GET this statement, I have to say that in my marriage, there is a disparity on lubrication and that's where it starts to break down. Meaning, I have to give an inordinant amount of relational intimacy in order for him to feel safe enough to want to ML with any frequency. On the other hand, when we have sex, he gets the intimacy straight away.
There is a tip in the balance scales and they always seem to come down on his side. After a while this gets old, kwim?
I do VERY well at handling this and not dwelling on it (if I do say so myself, lol) but then there are days when I just do not have it in me to give the relational intimacy on the CHANCE that we might ML soon. I'm sure he feels similarly.
I have to say, though, that my husband is good about reaching down inside himself and ML to me, even when he doesn't feel like it. As a man, this is not always easy--cause he's gotta have the wood, right. He can't participate in a semi-aroused state, after all!
So we both make efforts to go both ways, but in all honesty, I make the greater effort. It takes MORE relational intimacy to receive sex, than it does sex to receive r.i., in my situation.
You know, it occurred to me that I am thinking solely along the lines of time spent and effort. I really have not been thinking about how it would feel to have to give your body over, freely and happily, with no resentment present in order to increase the intimacy. That would indeed be a difficult thing to pull off.
