Quote: Let me just run this up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes.
Does one finger count?
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Did I mention this is a gross generalization? But I'm always searching for patterns. Or maybe this stuff is already obvious to everyone but me. Does it seem that IN GENERAL the LD person:
1) is more in need of being taken care of in order to want to be intimate (examples: GEL's husband likes the house clean; it makes him feel cared for. Wilde's wife what's to share decision-making even in small things like where to go for dinner. Corri wants her husband to take an interest in her projects. HD's want these things, too, but they are not a pre-condition of intimacy.)
I think the first red flag for me here is the assumption that sex equals intimacy.
How is the desire for sex as a pre-condition to relational intimacy (to "lube" the relationship) any different than the desire for relational intimacy as a pre-condition to sex (to "lube" the sex)? Other than difference of preconditional type?
In other words, you have determined that what YOU need is sex in order for your relationship to function at a level you find acceptable. And there's nothing wrong with that. However, should you really discount the needs that your SO might have determined to be necessary for him/her, whether it is a sense of caring via clean house, an interest in their interests, or a desire for shared decision making?
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As I said in another thread, I used to accuse my husband of "hiding in the bushes" while I stood in the clearing revealing myself, sticking my neck out, taking the emotional risks. LDs seem more private, self-protective, defensive (if you will), sensitive to criticism... well, here goes: LAZY (when it comes to the R). There I've said it.
Did I mention these were GROSS generalizations? (Here come the frying pans!)
The reality is that for just about every negative characteristic presented, there is a corresponding positive - and that goes for either "side". Is it assertive or domineering? Conflict avoider or peacekeeper?
Our very strengths, if not tempered within a loving relationship, can become our weakness or a tool with which we hurt our lovers. I'll disarm the nuclear missiles I have out back, if you roll up the trolling net.
