I've heard of the KLA tapes... may look into them more since you brought it up and reminded me of them.
Any signs of dropping that baby, woman? Or did I miss your announcement of the arrival and I'm now schmucky for not saying congrats?
Tell you what. I will send warm, fuzzy message vibes to you this weekend during my hour long hot stone message. Best I can do in absence of you being there.
Okay, that's the second time you've done that today, Corri. Is this Freudian, (e.g. you're looking for an important "message" to arrive this weekend), or do you really not know how to spell "massage"? I think you're too smart for #2, so I'm thinking you have a lot on your mind about this weekend.
BTW, I've had a hot stone massage myself. They're nice. I especially like getting my rocks off.
Corri, I need a little help with boundaries and I know that is your subject. I am mostly having success but the last time we ML, W manipulated me into doing what she wanted at "my expense" and I'm not sure how to deal with it. The story is that when we were first courting I gave her oral and during it she said "Please don't stop. Don't ever stop". So I didn't - ever. I have always put her pleasure way infront of mine. The trouble is that after the oral I am pretty wasted and even though she lets me enter her, often I have gone off the boil and can't O myself. After I had my vasectomy it has been so much easier for me to alternate a bit of oral with a bit of coitus and it has been really lovely (for both of us or so I thought). But last time when I paused my tongue to take my turn she said "No don't stop" so I carried on to her O. After that I had my turn but she had lost interest by then and I just gave up after a while. It feels so much better when we share the experience and O closer together. I need a way to set a boundary where I don't feel I have to take her all the way before my action but it's not an easy subject to broach. We aren't at the stage yet where we can talk easily about it. I'm concerned that I will be pushed into a fixed pattern that suits her but that I don't feel is "fair". Any ideas? SD
Quote: I have said in another post that LD women and LD men are two very very different critters...pardon the expression... women want different things in a relationship than men do..IMO. And again in my opinion women withhold sex as a tool to get their husbands to do what they want, when they want it. There are men on this message board who appear to be the exemplary husbands and they still can't get that physical connection with their wives.....
Both men and women have basic needs and lets face it one of them is sex...the degree is different but it is still there..... whether or not those needs are met shouldnt be based on whether you did the dishes or not.
What *some* women want and do doesn't help you (rhetorical you) and your specific relationship.
Men and women of good will in a relationship want similar things (warning, random incomplete list): honest communication (this does not mean "your ass looks huge or that shirt almost hides your gut" type comments) , a confident partner, a sense of being a team, enjoyment of each other's company, mutual respect, supportive of each other's interests & endeavors, being a priority to each other, loyalty -
Where it can start getting hairy, is *how* those things are expressed in a relationship and then enters miscommunication and all its attendant demons. <g>
Speaking for myself, I didn't have a list of household duties for NOP to perform. What I did have was the desire to be important to him. As time passed and I felt that I came somewhere down the list after career & hobbies, I emotionally withdrew and placed him low on my list of important things.
So now we each went up our own tree and only came down for the occasional frolic in the meadow and clashing of swords. By this time there was no "list of things" to do, because what had been broken was our connection, our relationship. It was that connection that had to be made again, and washing the dishes wasn't going to accomplish that.
What's my point? I guess my point is that women who are insisting that their husbands do XYZ household chore in exchange for sex have a screwed up *relationship* which *both* have damaged or they are manipulative hardazzes married to almost perfect, long-suffering spouses.
I'm guessing that the truth often lies somewhere in between those positions.
When anyone first arrives on boards such as these, we present our best foot forward. We tell things from our viewpoint. And we even leave things out of which we are well aware.
That little infidelity, those angry outbursts that verbally ripped the spouse to shreds, the 5 prior marriages, the 6-month separation, the repeated threats of divorce, those little indiscretions -
It's natural to not spill your guts or give expression to the things you did poorly. But one of the major difficulties in problematic relationships is that we already aren't seeing things from the "other side of the relationship". And how can we post that which we cannot see?
Corri, Nope baby is still firmly entrenched in my ribs.
I did have a massage with one of my kids and it was heavenly. Ok, so it was at the chiropractors' and it was because my back had given out from the weight of the baby, lol, but still it was a massage. They lowered me down on this table and removed the center section to make way for my abdomen. There were no hot rocks but it was the first time I had been on my stomach in many months and it felt heavenly. Back got better, too.
When I was preg with my first, I insisted that H take me on vacation to FL so that I could dig a hole in the sand and lay on my stomach that way. So it was hot SAND, and H massaged some oil into my back...does that count??
Honey, who just got finished telling H that he was pissing me off, when he emailed me and said that he had a feeling that the baby would come a WEEK from tomorrow. My word, what was he thinkin? You don't say that sort of stuff to a 41 week pregnant woman!!
If I didn't screw up my spelling, you wouldn't stop by and drop a pun or two. It's my way of giving you an opening. (How's that for lying out my asss?)
Welp. I personally find that I am way more 'sensitive' and it feels much 'better' to have H inside of me after I have an O. But that's just me.
It could be you just need to find a 'quicker' way to bring her to O so you don't lose your edge. Have you ever tried using a vibrator on her? Or watch her use one? Or have her use one while having sex?
Though things sound as they have definitely improved for you, it does sound that developing mutual trust and communication has 'stalled.' If I were you, I'd put my 'thinking' energies there rather on the timing of the O. I think if you can re-establish or strengthen trust and communication, the O situation is going to much, much easier to resolve.
Your efforts are worth it, but it could be 'what' efforts you are making that are contributing to the problem.
For exmaple. Let's say you are the one who takes care of the bills in your house. And let's say you've been trying to get her more involved and she just won't do it. Every effort you can imagine gets you nowhere, and you end up doing it because the bills have to be paid.
So one day, let's say you fall off a ladder and break both arms (God forbid). Now you physcially cannot do the bills. She has to help, for there is no other choice... other than have the bill collectors show up and cart all you own away.
I think the 'fixers' in the relationship can sometimes be their own worst enemies because they 'cave' before the other person has no other choice but to step up to the plate or lose it all.
SuperDave, I would guess that the problem is not the speed with which you lose your edge, but the fact that you KNOW that after she comes, it's all basically over. That would make anyone, ld or hd, lose their edge. I'm with Corri, I love feeling him inside me after a good oral orgasm. Even when I do feel myself winding down (while he's still winding up) I am SURE to keep that to myself and enjoy what we are doing so that he enjoys the experience. To me, this is the essence of ML with your spouse: mutual enjoyment of each others pleasure.
Although I love oral, I only do the Orgasm before IC thing once in a while because it does induce that very thing you were talking about...my interest starting to wane when he's just getting started.
So I think if you approach it with your wife, maybe that could be the tactic you take: To let her know that you love to give her oral (and I'm sure you do) but that you'd like to mix it up with other ways to ML because it often feels that she's winding down when you're starting up and that you are not in sync with each other. What position do you normally ML in? Is there a way you can skip right to IC and touch her while you are ML and shoot for simultaneous O's once in a while? That way, you will both be SO in to the experience because you will be on the same wavelength.
She has probably just gotten used to your current "system" and would have no problem trying something different now that she is amenable to the Friday F*ckFests, anyway.
(How's that for lying out my asss?)