Quote: I am curious as to how your husband feels about all the changes in you. I know you can't speak for him, but you are sure to have some idea about how he feels.
It's been a long time since we've discussed this. I know how he felt about it about six months ago... and like I've said, if I don't ask, it doesn't come up. I'm sure he appreciates my efforts, but he has told me that it isn't enough (and that is when I decided that if my efforts weren't enough, then he was going to have to step up to the plate and start making efforts of his own). The other night when I turned him down, he said, "our love life sucks and it will always suck." He refers to our LM the other night as "we had fun."
Quote: I remember some of your earlier posts, and I was very impressed at the time that a 'LD' person was taking the lead in repairing the sexual part of their relationship. I know we are far beyond that in our understanding of relationships now, but I have wondered what your husbands initial reaction was in the immediate short term, and a couple of months after.
He smiled more, he laughed more, he was more easy going and more fun to be around. We talked more... and then he started getting these promotions at work and his stress levels went through the roof... then I was needed to help him reduce that stress, help him through it (which I am glad to help him, but there is only so much I can do).
However, when I did take the lead in getting our sex life back on track, he was happy to let me do so and be responsible for it. If our frequency started falling off, he'd say, "our frequency is falling off," meaning, wife, you need to do something about that.
While the short-term gains were all I could have hoped for, as time began to pass, I started getting resentful again... I stayed with it, though, until I figured out where my resentment was coming from... and I figured out why the sex dwindled in the first place, and why I was no longer willing to be the 'responsible' party for our relationship. I have no interest whatsoever in playing tennis by myself, and that is exactly what the relationship between husband and wife feels like to me. Not the day-to-day management of things, not the parenting relationship between us, OUR relationship. The one that is only he and I.
This weekend, we are going away for a night alone... meaning, without kids. Two friends of ours are going with us... the guys came up with the idea of going away... "the gals will go to a spa and shop and the guys will go golf. Then we'll all meet up later and go have dinner, etc." The guys have completely botched it and somehow I got left with planning the trip. Why am I doing it, you ask? Because I need to get some shopping done and I'd like to get a message. That would be kind of cool. I'm planning it for me.
But this is typcial. He'll expect kudos and take credit for the whole thing because it was his idea, but I'm the one left to do the work.
Is the picture beginning to emerge here?
The other night when I prompted him, I was still the one responsible. But like I said, I was so desperate and emotionally starved, I took what came and ran with it. I'm also hoping it was some kind of positive reinforcement for him... but again, unless I bring it up and ask, he never will.
Why am I doing it, you ask? Because I need to get some shopping done and I'd like to get a message. That would be kind of cool. I'm planning it for me.