I have always spoken about sex with my girlfriends; since I've been married, most of it has not been entirely honest. It's only been in the last couple yrs that I decided to come clean with who I really am and stop pretending to be in with the crowd who bitches about their husbands not leaving them alone. I would never fabricate a story but I would smile at their stories as if I understood and commiserated. Now I just politely say, That is not my experience....or some other such statement like that. There are a few people who know the whole story but not many. I am far too embarrassed to spill it freely, as being the HDW carries a definite stigma with it that I don't care to be known by.
And I have to say that, without exception, in my circle of family and friends it is always the LD wife who brings up sex. I tend to be more private about it, though not prudish. I will talk about any subject, sex included. It is a part of my life..a very natural part that I am not ashamed of or inclined to hide. In my experience the LDW's bring it up because they want reassurance that what they are experiencing is okay and their husbands should be more understanding, etc. I do not ever provide this reassurance because, of course, my sympathies lie with their husbands.
It is interesting though since I started just being myself and telling the truth in those discussions: I am constantly met with shock at what I have to say. From then on, the subject is sometimes closed to certain people. It is as if they found out that I have different views from them and am no longer allowed in the "club". I find this sad! I am the most diplomatic person around, so it is not as though I am giving any opinion whatsoever on what they should be doing--I just say what happens in my marriage and even THAT is in a diplomatic fashion.
Regardless of what the other moms at playgroup may think of me, I feel good knowing that I am not selling myself out and/or pretending to know what they are experiencing--I do not. I hope that my honesty gives them a different perspective on married life cause that is my true intention..that and being true to who I am.
