I see what you are saying...but have you considered this? Absolutely men and women have different needs, sometimes those needs can seem silly and downright ridiculous to the other person in the relationship. But there are times when someones needs aren't being met (and that person may not even realize it...(I'm speaking from experience here) and the fact that those needs aren't recognized or met causes the other person not to meet your needs.
See...in my case (and I can only speak for my relationship) there were needs that weren't being met (very simple ones really) that not only was I not aware of...he wasn't aware of them either. Because those needs weren't being met he didn't feel taken care of...that feeling caused him to withdraw, back away, or even push me away. All of which we were unaware of until our therapist had me try an experiment (which he's still unaware of).
I'm now doing some simple/silly/mundane/everyday things to discover what needs I wasn't meeting for him...that translated into feeling "taken care of".
I guess my point is this (so it's hopefully not lost :-) )...someone doesn't always withold sex or use it as a weapon intentionally. My husband has basic needs as you mentioned...yes, sex is one of them...however there are other underlying needs that will need to be met in order for him to feel secure enough to let himself be vulnerable to me while ML. When I make the attempt to address those underlying needs he becomes more outwardly affectionate towards me...and he doesn't even realize it.
Am I making any sense here...it really does when I think it through in my head LOL.
