As this weekend I will be on my own - most of my friends are going away - I will spend some time relaxing and sleeping in late, as well as catching up on the many chores I have piling up around me. Perhaps I should come up with a little something that counts as pampering too?
About Christmas -
Well, I think everything hinges on whether OW 2 is still in the picture or not. I don't know if she is now, and I don't know if she will be then. If she is not, then it is my goal to spend Christmas day with H and D together.
Last Christmas I had started DBing, but our plan for D and I to go to my family in another country had been arranged before I started DBing. We kept in touch by email over the time we were away, and spent New Year together, we were very close for a couple of days. Soon after he flew to other country to start up with OW 2.
I will not start pursuing H about Christmas this early, but an intermediate goal might be to make our encounters so pleasant that H wants to meet up once or twice a month at least, and keep in touch by email and phone too. All LIGHT, FUN stuff.
I want to get my local personal project wrapped up, input wise, by the end of November, and ready to try and sell by the end of the year. I will be using a piece of equipment that H got after the split, he has offered to let me use it, so that is positive. I think both of us being successful in our personal work, with encouragement from each other, will help our R no end.
I need to have my website up and running by the end of the year too. This will help me get some work too. My ideal would be to make enough from my professional work so that I don't have to find part time tedious work locally, that I am not interested in.
I just realised yesterday that my mother's passing has relieved me somewhat of a burden - feeling responsible for her from a distance, in many ways - practical, mental, emotional etc. She was not an easy person, but we were close enough. I now have less physcial responsibility to bear, for example I will not have to travel over to other country as often as I was doing. My sis can come visit me here, which my mother wasn't able to do the past two years.
My mother's dependence on me actually put a strain on our marriage, and there was a time when I felt like I was in an impossible situation stuck between the conflicting demands of my H and my mother. That WAS a factor in our split, I am sure of it. H needed to escape the excess of responsibility, although outwardly he was behind me with our original plans for my mother to come stay with us etc.
Another thing I was mulling over. Before I married H, I never had trouble getting work to pay my bills, I ALWAYS lived within means, even if they weren't much. Since coming over to live in this country, where the employment situation for expats is very restricted, and my wanting to be a full time mother to D in her ealy years, there has been this notion with H, that has seeped into my thinking, that in some way I am NOT WORKING, I'm USELESS or something. Or that I DON'T WANT TO WORK. And that is NOT TRUE!
I MUST get my personal work front sorted out, not only to make some money but to regain my self esteem.
So here are my goals -
1) H wants to spend time with me and 'us' (me and D) at least once or twice a month, or more.
2) We spend Christmas together - hopefully a natural consequence of spending fun time together in the run up to Christmas.
3) Personal work project completed and ready to hawk around by the end of the year.
4) Basic website up and running by the end of the year.
5) Consolidate my teaching hours into something worthwhile. Want to be able to renegotiate terms with H at the end of the year so he pays a little less. Puts less pressure on him.
And things to remember -
Concentrate on myself! Ask if any action will get me closer to my goal. Look for the silver lining in EVERY situation Remember to *be* happy, as I can't FIND it! (It isn't hiding under a rock somewhere!! )
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
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