LivN....

I can certainty understand your being tired right now.
The luncheon alone would have exhausted me.
Another clue was your comment on just "getting things done around the house like laundry" clues me in that you are burning a little too brightly right at the moment.

Sounds very much like you need to take some time to recover and recharge.

It is very important that you take ((((REALLY)))) good care of yourself.
Like they say you in DB/DR, are preparing for a long haul...you MUST pace yourself if you want to acheive your goals and reserve your strength...Your're gonna need it!

PLEASE, PLEASE.....relax and do something to pamper your self whatever that may be.

One of the best things about DBing is that I learned was to really listen to my body and spirit and take DAYS!!! yes, days to recouperate if I felt the need. (I tend to be a bit reclusive anyways, Cancer-crab that I am) and really need a bit of solitude to gather my thoughts and FEELINGS and take stock of what I think and how I feel.

This is most important because you avoid confusion, and are clear on your goals.

Speaking of which it would seem like an excellent time to write some of those down!

Now I heard you mention "spending xmas together" might be a goal........

IMHO that is a HUGE goal, frought with a great deal of emotions....Maybe for now you could simplify that goal a bit??...Like approach him about doing some PLANNING for xmas....start small....with "a beginner's mind"......

What sort of other holiday plans could you make that might lead UP TO but not involve directly.........Christmas?

I am telling you this for many reasons.

It seemed to me that what you have been observing about your H is his RELIEF at not having to check in, make connections, make plans, etc. Right??

There can be an awful lot of pressure around a bug holiday like Xmas. Like traditions, rituals and expectations....There's that nasty word again ....expectations.....yours, his, kids, relatives,co-workers.... The last thing you want to do is be a source of stress for him!!

You will have to take care that your expectations are LOW....VERY LOW!!! Keep the pressure OFF and don't start loading up for the holidays...( let that be the nasty job of any OW there might be!! she can be the nagging unhappy complainer!!)

You be the source of FUN !!!!!!!!!

If he wants to join in ....great!!

If not....too bad for HIM on missing such a fun time!!( make sure he knows it!!)

Remember FUN??

You can have fun without him you know!! And seeing you happy will undoubtledly make him VERY curious...
Which if I am not mistaken, is basically what your luncheon is all about...he was CURIOUS!!!

Curious to see any changes...curious to see where your head was at....curious to see what you up to( notice he revealed VERY little about himself at that lunch!)

So go ahead....be a bit mysterious!! Keep him guessing a little.....He doesn't have to know EVERYTHING about you right now. Just that you are a warm, funny, clever and interesting Gal!! Who has a great new perfume!!, a talent for listening......and can handle herself in a very classy way when out in public with her (alien)H!!!!!

If I had been you at that lunch.....

I would have been keenly aware that he actually had VERY little to say about himself ....maybe that's because there really isn't any thing NEW about him. How sad for him...hehehe...how very boring!!

I think you even mentioned how HE HASN"T REALLY CHANGED??

He still is into "toys"....very "extrocentric" ( means not very deep, uses outside items to draw attention to himself)

And was so self concious that he couldn't even bring himself to ask about YOU!!!!
HUH???? What's up with that!!

There are quite a few clues that he is interested in you, for one: someone who isn't interested would not have even wanted to have lunch with you. He would have found something ELSE to do.......
So look back over that interaction and see what other clues you have...

I'm betting you are keeping him guessing by not asking too much about him!!He probably wonders why you are not dying of curiosity..hahaha
Did he think this lunch was all about revealing himself to YOU?? Well, I hope youi nade that clear by NOT prying into what all he's been doing, and looking desperate for him to share...Phooey on that!! Just act like you are interested and it's nice that he is sharing,( like I said you are a good listener) but you're not overly impressed with his activities, and you have a life too!
No, my guess is he wanted to see what was up with YOU!

BTW...don't forget to tell him how much you enjoyed lunch!!
Quick and light...something like "Maybe we could do that again sometime, when I'm free, I'll catch you up on what I'VE been doing.""

get the idea??

Okay, now go take care of your self!!

I mean it!! Seriously, a girl's gotta take care of herself, like the queen that she is, right!

Hugs, Trish