I had to break off very suddenly the last time I was posting, I got a phone call from my sister to say my mother was in hospital with a leaking aortal aneurysm. I took the first plane out to that country, but sadly arrived at the hospital two hours after my mother passed away. She passed away just three days after her next youngest sister, my dear Aunt, did.
So, it has been a very emotional week. As you can imagine, I am sad at losing my only parent (my Dad walked out on my mother thirty seven years ago and we have heard NOTHING from him since. We don't even know whether he is alive or dead. This presented difficulties when it was time to register my mother's death, as they wanted to know if she was the wife or widow of my father. When we said we didn't know, the registrar said there were only two options she could record, so we should decide - we were apalled, and said, how can we 'decide' whether someone is alive or dead when we don't know??? In the end, they put down wife, as that was the last information that we had.)
On the other hand, my mother was eighty four and knew about her aneurysm, and elected not to have surgery for it. She was 'ready' to go, and so in a way, I am happy for her. She had a trying last two or three years of life, with so many physical ailments.
We arranged a small private funeral with some of her favourite music.
Then, my sister decided to travel back with me here and stay a week, which is really nice. I know our loss will fianlly hit home when she is back home again. I found a few days' old voice mail message here with my Mum asking me to call her back to talk about my aunt's funeral arrangements.
My D was staying with H when I got the phone call about Mum ebing in hospital. I arranged she should stay with a school friend and her family for the duration of my stay away. She feels happy staying there.
H asked why he couldn't come down to this house to look after D until he went away on his trip. I wanted to say, because I don't trust you an inch right now, but of course I said instead, that as he was going away too, it was simpler to just book her to stay with her friends the whole time. He didn't press the point.
I rang him the day after I arrived and told him about my mother's passing. He talked a little bit, said he was sorry to hear the news. He knew Mum quite well, as she had come out to visit us at least once a year the last ten years, and also he had stayed at her place often.
Later I emailed him about the date of the funeral, and when I was returning to this country. I didn't get any response. No card, letter, note, or flowers.
After returning home day before yesterday, he phoned. Asked how the funeral went ("Well") and about how I was ("Well, you know how it is to lose a parent. In fact, I don't know what you thought about losing your father, you never said much." And he replied "Well, I didn't feel much, I had not seen much of him in the last so many years, I stopped feeling anything for him. I had a dream recently about him where I was beating him up. Those are the only kind of dreams I ever have about him, so they are not something I want to have." But that is all another story...)
He told me about his trip, and about some new equipment he has bought. I asked about his project plans, and he told me about them - basically he has a lot more work to do on the proposal before he can get his friend committed to working with him, which is what he wants.
Talked about him going to my country of origin for his research trip this November, which is shrinking in duration every time he mentions it, from six weeks to four weeks to twenty days and now down to two weeks.
Then he mentioned coming down next week to town (to buy his ticket?) I said something like, good. He said, maybe you me and D can have lunch together? I said, sure!
I apologised for changing around the arrangements for D going up next weekend now that my sister is here, and he said it was no problem, after all, he is always there, he has no big plans in his life...
Got to sign off soon, sis is around, and she doesn't think I should save my marriage to H!!!
Later
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
