I'm feeling very sorry for myself. The tears are flowing freely. I want to shout like a kid, THIS IS SO UNFAIR!
Is my H oblivious to the pain I'm in, or does he not care a hoot? Did I really marry this man? Is he having a MLC or has he merely moved on? How is it possible to marry and start a family and then simply move on? Does he really think that for D being in an intact family and having visitation is the same? How nice can OW 2 be to willingly be part of breaking up a family? And so on and on.
To answer some of your questions -
H is spending Tuesday night here. I hope it ticks off OW 2 royally!
H announced his decision in April 2003, days before my birthday and shortly before our tenth anniversary, for which I had plans. After a week he had fixed up to rent his place in the hills (love nest for him and OW 1).
He most certainly had an EA with OW 1 for maybe a couple of years. We both prided ourselves on not being overly jealous and paranoid types (both of us invited former boyfriends/girlfriends to our wedding! They had remained friends. I even came across a letter where he wrote before we married about this aspect, and how much he liked that we weren't so insecure etc etc), so it happened right under my nose and I didn't get it. I had been farily close to OW 1 for years, then I noticed she withdrew from me, but carried on being 'friends' with my H. How blind can one get? So much for trust. Ow 1 walked out on her husband the same week that H made his decision, yet he swore she had nothing to do with it. At this point I wasn't so blind!
He told me he never wanted to live with me again. That he was not in a hurry to get a D. The terms he 'offered' me were not acceptable, so I went to a lawyer to find out the view of the law, and that's when H turned nasty. I was forced to have a legal separation so as to make sure he paid for D and self. I started DBing only six months after he left.
In the beginning I did all the usual things like pleading and crying and shouting, then I went pretty dark, as D and I spent the summer vacation last year over with my family in other country.
I must point out that OW 2 is also someone he strated and EA with before he left. In fact a month before he left, I had questioned him about his daily IMing with her in other country. He asssured me it was just politics they talked about. He said to me "Do you think I would jeopardise my marraige, my family, my home, everything, for a fling?" So I was duly reassured.
When H made his decision, he eveidently chose OW 1 to fall on as she was the bird in the hand, right here, rather than OW 2 who lived far away. I even heard him on the phone once to OW 2, a couple of weeks after his decision. He was flying to my country of origin for a project and thinking of going via her country. he was telling her they would be able to meet up, but that it wouldnt be anything more than friends. That says it all, doesn't it? She had been after him for at least a year before he left.
Ironically, all the while I was told by friends I was being very trusing letting my H go away on all these trips, and I thought I must give him his freedon to pursue his dreams, I was behind him! He met OW 2 in a hotel he was staying at in yet another country where he did some work on a project. Maybe he was lonely?
If he stays with OW 2 for long, either she will have to be apart from him much of this year, of she might go out to be with him in my country of origin for the eight months or so he plans on this project taking. Of course she doesn't have kids, so she is free to go around the world to be with him. Perfect!
Got to break off, just heard my mother is in hospital and may not have much longer, got to fly to other country, bye, for now.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
