My dear Aunt for whom D and I travelled halfway around the world to visit this summer (and for which H carped on and on about taking his D away from him for so long) died in her sleep earlier today.
She wanted to die, after suffereing a stroke two years ago. She had been an active, very active 79 year old up till then. She couldn't stand being dependent after her stroke. When we were visiting she was in hospital with a broken wrist, so she could do NOTHING for herself as her other hand and one foot were useless. I had to scratch her itches for her.
At the end, she refused all food and medication and slipped away.
I just emailed H about this and got a reply with his condolences.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I emailed H again with some photos of my Aunt. This evening he rang to talk about the arrangements for D going up to his place.
Then we had a little chat about my aunt.
Then H mentioned he is travelling to other country to see his friend about his project, and that it would be more convenient to stay in the city the night before he takes the train. Could he stay the night at my place next week? I said, OK.
More DBing opportunity, I guess!
Had a low key day today - tried to sleep this morning as I felt very tired and sleepy all of a sudden (all those nights of waking up at 3 30 a.m. catching up with me?), then I had the news of my aunt's passing, then had a couple of cancellations of students.....
I think I will have an early night, and be fine tomorrow.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I too send along my condolences and a special hug just for you.
You sure have had a lot on your plate lately. My heart goes out to you as I know the pain of an H that lives in a self centered world.
I am proud of how you are doing under the circumstances.
take care,
Pam
ps. If you would not mind my asking (and you sure do not have to say if you are not comfortable doing so) I have been wondering what country you live in? My 3 guesses are Romania, Bulgaria, or Croatia, but I may be way off. Also, is English a second language for you?
Quote: ps. If you would not mind my asking (and you sure do not have to say if you are not comfortable doing so) I have been wondering what country you live in? My 3 guesses are Romania, Bulgaria, or Croatia, but I may be way off. Also, is English a second language for you?
Well, I don't mind you asking, but that doesn't mean I'm telling!
Seriously, the only reason I haven't spelt out many details, like about where I live, is to protect my anonymity on this BB. I hope you understand.
And no, English is my first language. Sometimes I write (type) cryptically to save space. Does that make it seem as if English is not my first language?
Nothing at all to report today. All's quiet on H's front!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I do respect your desire for anonymity, just my natural curiosity is all.
And if English was not your first language then I was going to complement you on your wonderful command of it. So I guess that I will just say that you write very well, like a native in fact.
I sometimes visit a website that my H posts to and today he mentioned something he was doing last year, then said it was at a time when his marriage was breaking up, so his mind wasn't on it.
I love that expression - his M was breaking up! Not, I left my wife because I was f***ing her friend!
Even now he sees it as something that happened to him!
This is the second time recently he has mentioned the end of his M on a public website. It doesn't bode well, does it?
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Thinking on from what I wrote yesterday. The fact that this website I mentioned is not about relationships at all, but that H drops in stuff like that, hurts.
And I know I am supposed to be past being "hurt".
Is it snooping to go to a webiste where you know your H publicly posts? I didn't expect to come across such personal asides, was just interested to see what H has to say about the subject that the website is devoted to, which is a large area of interest for us, professionally.
Actually, I remember that last year, he also made a reference to a "girlfriend he once had" (OW 1 who had recently dumped him!) on this same website. Ouch, that hurt too.
How does my H live with his conscience?
I suspect, but don't asume, that he is back with OW 2 from the lack of contact from H again.
I know he will never get his head out of his a** until even that is finally over. And from where I am sitting and from what I know of OW 2, it can't last.
I am not sure that I feel good about the fact that only IF AND WHEN the A with OW 2 is really over is there any glimmer of a hope that H will consider working on his M. Makes me feel third best.
I suppose though, if it were to happen, then H would have SEEN for HIMSLEF that the grass isn't always greener, and that ALL RELATIONSHIPS REQUIRE WORK!
H is happy to confess that he is LAZY. Maybe one day he will see that being happy to confess this fact is not going to get him very far. He is going to have to DO something about it. Maybe, to him, walking out of our M was his ACTION.
I suppose it also hurts that H is prepared to "work" on both his R's with the OW. He has split up and got back together with both of them in turn. Why do THEY deserve such attention?
Oh well, back to my mission to, er...... NOT focus on H!
So how can a kick start that again?
Focus on my positives -
I am in good health, and looking good. One of my students yesterday refused to believe that I was in my forties (forty four to be precise). She was only 33, and if truth be told, we looked similar in age. (That is, she looked older than her years, ha ha!! )
I have got shot of my mega stressful teaching assignment.
I once more wrote to my estranged brother, let's see if he replies. I have got over my old anger and hurt about him, and feel only love for him. How he chooses to respond is his choice, I have held open the door to him for years now.
H asked to stay the night next week, so I have a chance to interact with him in a positive way.
He is visiting his friend who is a friend of our marriage.
One thing that would really help is to get some part time but well paid work. It must be out there somewhere. I just have to go and and make my own luck!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
It sounds like you are on the right track, LnL. Sometimes half the battle is just sorting all of this out and knowing what we are up against.
I don't think that I would be so sure that he is "working" on his relationships with his OW's. Sounds more like he is just falling in and out of them.
Hmm, well paid part time work. If you figure out a quick way to get rich let me know.
I don't think that I even mentioned on my thread that I got a job writing articles for a small local monthly publication. Each articles pays, get this, $35. That won't pay for my utilities or groceries or anything other than maybe a tank of gas, but its a start.
Just took a call from H, so I could have a chat with D. It is 10.30 pm. I distinctly heard voices in the background, I think of H talking to OW 2.
I wonder what the sleeping arrangements are?
How long do I have to put up with this torture?
I HATE having our D in the middle of this. I have visited sites and read where separated parents are waiting up to a year or more to even INTRODUCE their children to the OP. My H takes his D to bed with his OW from almost day one.
I don't know if I can hang on any more. Please explain why I have to go through this?
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
