I agree with Pamila about the email, sounds good, just leave out that one phrase. I probably wouldn't get into financial details.

Ignore all H's blaming behaviors about you and OW. Obviously OW just didn't like the fact that he still has a wife!!!! And as you know from past experience, he didn't HAVE to tell her any of those restrictions. I suspect he came home from that nice visit with you in a more positive mood, started to see that some of their behavior when D was there was a little innappropriate, and OW got her nose bent out of shape. H may be blaming you but maybe he doesn't realize that he's really blaming the fact that he still has some feelings for you?

Be kind, validate, don't say ANYTHING about what a jerk OW is being. Realize that they may not be broken up but may just have had a spat. Just do more of whatever was working when he camne for the birthday.

Quote:

What your H said about your personality reminds me of something that my H said about me post bomb...that people found me to be cold and difficult to get to know. Where do they get off with this crap?



My sister's first husband said something to her after he dropped the bomb about how she didn't have any friends and they were all his friends. Well, since then we have jokingly referred to the multitude of friends that supported her through the divorce as her "imaginary friends" Actually, HE'S the one that doesn't have many friends, and this was just another example of a WAS projecting onto the LBS what they are really feeling about themself.
Wow, LNL, I just realized that's what is happening right now with your H - he's projecting onto YOU (YOU caused her to leave by setting these restrictions) what he's really feeling about himself (HE caused her to leave by setting some boundaries around his daughter).

In fact, it is to your advantage if OW said nasty things about you - that's why it is SO important that you don't say anything nasty about her. If she says bad things about you, he will want to defend you (maybe it was him defending you that pissed her off:) ) - if YOU say bad things about HER then he will want to defend her.

Ellie