If the [censored] is hitting the fan I see it as hitting the fan in two places, between you and H and between H and OW#2.
I will say here in this forum that whatever is going on between H and OW is not your fault. Ity sounds like another case of him trying to blame you for things that are his fault and not yours. And if H and OW are having a convo about their R you can be darn sure that your "restrictions" are not the only thing that have been discussed between them. H is prob choosing the one thing that she said about you and choosing to make that the whole focus.
It is good to stay calm.
As I see validating it requires simply repeating back what he has said verbatim, saying "did I get that right?" And after he replies saying "is there anything else?"
Don't get sucked up into his explosion.
Sometimes I see dbing as like a game of sorts. We have to play by the dbing rules even when we feel like telling our H's where they can go...
H is def not thinking rationally and may not be for quite some time so you cannot discuss anything rationally with an irrational person.
Pam
ps. What your H said about your personality reminds me of something that my H said about me post bomb...that people found me to be cold and difficult to get to know. Where do they get off with this crap? H's friends don't get me because I don't subscribe to their routine of getting drunk off my ass at social events, flirting with other people's spouses and talking about inappropriate subjects.
