Yesterday D was to be picked up by H's landlord for a lift up to her Dad's place in the hills. She missed her dance lesson because of the time she was supposed to be ready. When they arrived, it was after her dance class would have finished, so I talked to the landlord and we agreed that they could come direcly to the venue of the class and pick her up from there in future. We exchanged telephone numbers. I don't know why my H was unable to ask them directly himself.
Then I went about preparing for my cooking class. The irony of this is that the group contains the very person who my H said at bomb time was an example of someone who felt uncomfortable in my presence as I "didn't speak a word of the local language". This person is from another country far away, doesn't speak English and only speaks the local language here, plus of course his own. He may well not have felt he could talk to me. But now he is paying me to come to my house and learn cooking! Hmmmmmmm
I was in a fine mood as I prepared for the lesson. About half an hour before they were due to arrive, the phone rings, and I merrily picked it up. H says, I have some news for you. I said, Oh? He said, OW 2 has walked out on me because she won't accept the restrictions you are putting on her, when D is around.
Well, I found out from the lawyers ages ago that I cannot stop H seeing whoever he wants to even with D there, the only two things I have said are, please do not all three of you sleep in the same bed (D says there is another bed) and H agreed, and secondly, if you want to borrow my tent for camping, for D to have fun, I don't want OW also in it.
Then H says, I don't know what you think about this, and I don't even know myself, but it was YOUR restrictions that has made her do this. Then he put the phone down, click.
Guess what, once again I had to calm myself right before a lesson. I had forgotten that I wasn't going to pick up the phone right before a lesson or during it.
The lesson went fine. I went to bed, slept for longer than I have done in weeks, but had a terrible nightmare saga about H and OW 2 and D. It went on and on, like torture.
I woke up, and was invited to go to the swimming pool with friends, and to lunch, so I accepted, and didn't check my email. Had a lovely day. Came home, did some chores, and then checked my email. Sure enough, there was a long one from H. In rant mode. The gist is as follows.
Quote: Says he has been doing all the backing down since the separation.
His only aim has been to protect D, and I have been taking advantage of it.
He didn't like the fact that I refused to take D into the centre to meet him, both ways (and have lunch with him?) the day after I came back from the summer vacation. (I had offered to take her in one way, although the agreement states he needs to pick her up and drop her back to the house. I was waiting for a DHL parcel delivery.)
You will not dictate how I spend time with D. If OW 2 comes here again, though unlikely, she will sleep in the only bed there is, whether D is there or not. (PS - OW lives a few kms away.) I (Livnlearn) have the luxury of a big flat.
If I don't give him a deadline about when he can pay less, he will simply close his account and pay me what he thinks is right, that I agreed (we both have to agree it, according to my circumstances, otherwise present agreement holds.)
He will probably be getting another place in a nearby small town, and he will be taking some furniture, not the ancient "sh*t" that we have stored in the garage (from old house. Actually, he must be referirng to our old kitchen which is actually very nice, only it has a couple of dents in it, from one of his rages!)
I (Livnlearn) may be delighted at having driven a wedge between OW 2 and H, but H is not.
Oh boy, I drove a wedge between them? I think I have heard it all! Nothing about how she might have "driven a wedge" between H and I??????
I have stayed calm right now, I can tell H is explosive. I will be screening calls. Please write in with any suggestions about how to handle this.
How do I validate in this situation?
By the way, I sent up a useful book with D to give H (before all this happened, for H's project) and sent him a cheery note by email too. I was on a mission to show some love.
What now?
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
