Quote: How to lay one's boundaries and so avoid being a doormat, WITHOUT being aggressive, defensive, seeming unfriendly, etc, is the question, isn't it?
I just want to enlarge on this. Here's how the dynamic seems to have worked in the past.
I am open with H, have him stay at my place, take D into town for H to take her up to hills etc etc. He comes to expect this as of right. If he does something to make me feel used, humiliated, etc, and I pull back, even politely, then H gets very affronted and the aggression starts. Sometimes I just may not wish to do something that H wants.
Say H stays the night here. He may become used to the idea that he is always welcome, when he needs somewhere to stay. If for some reason I can't or don't want to have him to stay, then it will start the cycle all over again, as he will take any refusal personally.
Does this make sense, or do I just seem small minded?
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
