Whereas, Mr.HP has failed to recognize the beauty of his W's pregnancy, neglected the wonder of her sexual needs, taken for granted God-given gift of sexual freedom in his home, and performed dismally in her greatest time of need, the undersigned does hereby risk offense by committing to permanent record the volunteering of his services to break HP's water. Should said services be accepted, this offer in no way constitutes a permanent or binding relationship or commitment (unless both parties realllly like the result).
