Quote: she felt rage and nausea at the thought of it.
On the one hand, I can understand this completely. I would feel rage and nausea if, for instance, I feared that I might have to have sex with Rush Limbaugh tonight. The question is how do you get to the point that your H is the equivalent of Rush Limbaugh? Why would you stay married to someone you found so repulsive? My H denies that he ever found me repulsive, but I think that he must have on some level. This is the hardest thing that the HD spouse has to deal with in order to be successful. In order to change whatever it is about you that your spouse finds repulsive, you first have to own up to the fact that your spouse did find you repulsive and this shines a very negative light on your marital history. Actually, this is probably the basis of any desire I still harbor to flee my marriage post haste. I can't bear the thought that I might become repulsive to him again. I don't trust myself to remain continuously sexually confident(we all have bad days and bad years and we all get old) and I would feel a lot safer if I was married to someone whose desire was less fickle. I have terrible thoughts like- What if I get breast cancer and he can't bring himself to touch me afterwards?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
