He found the book to be disgusting simply because it included a scene where the man makes love to a woman. (his wife had just died and he was grieving) The rest of the book contained NO further sex and it was actually an excellent book but that one scene put H off. Rather, his reaction to this scene put him off. He felt gross about himself because it turned him on. I did not touch that one with a ten foot pole except to note that there was nothing to be ashamed of and I was sorry he felt like that, cause he was missing out on a really good book. (Pillars of the Earth, by Ken Follett, incidentally)
The sex-after-being-a-turd thing is more like this: Boy, I was being a jerk last night. I think I needed to have sex. I was just too irritated to even go there. I couldn't sleep all night...I bet I would have slept great if we would have had sex. Hey! All this talk about sex is turning me on and I want to have sex tonight. Sorry I was such a jerk last night..I was just irritated/sleepy/stretchy/hot/etc.
So it is as if, on some level, he recognizes that sex is both the thing that will alleviate his problems and the thing that is making him most irritated (knowing that I would have sex in a heartbeat, which he interprets as pressure).
Interesting huh!
Solid, I felt excessively sorry for BIL, knowing that he goes on with his life trying to please SIL and having no real knowledge of the depth of her disgust for him. Now, he is no saint to live with and I am not defending him 100%..there are a lot of areas that would make me furious with him too. But to experience rage and nausea when you look at him? Almost every time? There's something not quite right about that. He is overall an excellent husband to her. It is as if resentment and disillusionment has SO clouded her judgement of him that she is caught in the cycle of: feeling nauseated by him, knowing she must provide sex cause she is his wife, feeling even more disgusted cause she 'has' to have sex with him, feeling resentment and then the resentment causes the rage and nausea.
I have NO idea what to say to her in regards to getting out of this cycle. I do feel badly for her; she is one of my dearest friends. She is my H's sister and they look exactly alike, btw, so it is hard for me to talk to her about this stuff cause I inevitably am picturing MY husband's face saying this stuff instead of hers. Wierd!
