Quote: The date was a little tense but we managed to overcome it, I am happy to say. This was the first time we have left our kids with a babysitter (and not Grandma) so that was a large part of his anxiety and wanting to return early. I knew this but I don't think I understood how much it was bothering him.
Ah, you didn't say that before. Now I understand his side of the story. We didn't go out at all for the first 5 years we had kids. W wasn't comfy leaving them with a sitter. She still calls home when we go out. S14 does most of the babysitting now, so within the last year we've gotten out much more; even if it is just a trip to the grocery and perhaps a bit of necking in the driveway before we come back in.
Quote: He agreed that if I was to take his rejection in stride, that he couldn't necessarily expect me to be HAPPY about it, lol. I told him that I was doing the best I could do..just being nice and laughing with him and if I didn't initiate affection, well, that was too bad. I wasn't doing it to prove a point or withhold, it is just what feels natural the day after being rejected. He said that's fine but as the days go by you tend to get meaner. I said, Well of course! You crapped out on me and there is no follow up as to what you will do instead. You just avoid it all, though you know that will not get you positive results. He then got on the subject of an "opening". This is something we have talked about in the past. When he lets me down and I pull back a little (or a lot, depending on the situation) he said he feels he can't initiate anything..that it is too much work and there is no opening in which he can make his big kahuna moves. I said that what he was really after was for me to do the work for him and say, Come and get me--it's okay now.
I'm not going to do that.
OMG Honey. Are we in parallel universes or what? You just described precisely what I mentioned in my thread had happened again last night, only you described it sooo much better than I could. Good to know it isn't just me getting pissy I suppose. To my W's credit, she did cuddle and try to warm me up. I just wasn't taking the bait, and bad bad me was putting roadblocks up in her way (I apologized for that just few minutes ago, because I felt bad about it). In a way though, it is better we didn't ML last night because I would not have been into it...I was still seething about the rejections and broken promises during the week (gosh, I HAVE to stop getting so bent about getting turned down).
Oh, and cool thing this morning...I felt the baby moving while we were ML. First time I've felt this one move. W felt it too. She had been saying just yesterday that she was concerned b/c she hadn't felt him moving yet.
Let me know if you figure out how to deal with the resentment that builds during the droughts and the expectation of everything being hunky-dory when all the planets finally align correctly for LD* to finally get in the mood.
