D says he has no idea why J thinks getting G involved is me trying to stall.
I can not tell when he is lying to me so I normally chose to believe him as it is easier than tortuing myself about whether he is lying to my face or not.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Pam -- My question wasn't actually trying to be blaming of D -- more querying...if there WAS a misunderstanding/misinterpretation I was trying to poke at it to see if we could get at the root of it...
IOW...people make mistaken ASSumptions frequently, right? Hey, even I DO IT! And since it appeared that SOMEONE was possibly interpreting the sitch to think that you might be stalling...well, I was wondering if there were any behaviors ongoing that might be leading to that ASSumption..
Anyway...I'm going on too long for something that doesn't even seem to be happening...but I will restate my original question...do you and d have an understanding/agreement about who is responsible for WHAT in terms of selling the house?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I actually was going to answer that part as soon as I got home because I realized that I didn't address that at all in my response.
D is handling getting the house ready for sale and if he has any questions or needs any help he will get ahold of me.
While I was still in it if we decided on anything I was to handle it, but if anyone has been stalling it is him as he has just a couple of weeks ago started on it.
I am guessing SHE thinks I'm stalling him getting the house sold rather than it is him just being his normal slow self!!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Do you suppose with more time and distance I will ever feel I WANT to forgive her?
I am afraid the feelings I have right now towards her are anger and I guess hatred, a desire to hurt her the way she hurt me and abused my trust and friendship.
I very much feel she used me during the first year to spend time with D.
Most of the time I don't feel anger at D, sometimes I do and I know there is still some there, and my other ex friend I have no desire to ever see again, but not the intense anger I have towards J.
I KNOW this isn't good and it keeps me stuck. What I do is try to keep her out of my mind and I suceed a lot of the time now.
But this e-mail deal today really brings it up for me.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Tonight meeting G's friends T, and couple S & S for dinner.
S just got back from Greece where he was in the Olympics so this should be a really interesting dinner.
I happened to mention it to G and he said T didn't mention it to him. I said I told T I knew you were busy. I did know that because when I was talking with him the other day he had talked about everything he had going on this week.
BUT, I realize looking back it wasn't my place to let T know G was busy. It was G's right to receive the invitation and make his own choice known.
Will I NEVER learn???????????
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Thank you!!! We are all so much better for having found this website I think, whether we saved our marriages or not.
I have lots of positives from friends right now.
I just got home and T called as I pulled in the driveway as it is a rainy yucky night out and he just wanted to make sure I got home alright. I thought that was so nice.
I never thought my life would feel like this, but it is pretty cool!!!!!
Yeah, I still struggle, but there are many more good days than bad now.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Family and friends Knowing I can do anything I put my mind to (as so can anyone) Going to diner with friends Sitting out with friends Calling friends because I know they care Models and chics Having fun wherever or with anyone I'm with Playing with my cat Steak and potatos Selling a phone Cleaning my fingernails A kiss from a loved one (which I haven't had for a while, but know I will) Meeting new people Knowing how much I really do mean to my friends Rain
As you can see, I could go on for the next decade explaning that one. Everything in life is exciting. If we didn't have bad times we wouldn't know what good times are.
If we didn't lose a relationship we wouldn't understand love. You can always see the glass the way you want to. If there is a drop in the glass, then I figure I have something. It's all how you chose to look at things.
Every person I know affects the person I am. The bad times have made me the person I am. I like the person so I don't regret a thing that has happened to me. If they hadn't I wouldn't have the things I have like family and friends that stick by me. I really value friends over family because they chose on their own to like me or not. I have great friends which you are one of. So yes, life is awesome!!!!!!
I meant to post this yesterday and just didn't get a chance. This is an e-mail response from T to my question of what does he consider makes life worthwhile.
I don't know if I have mentioned it before but he is in a wheelchair and I take it he has always been. He runs his own business and is starting a second with model photography and management. And he has a great attitude!
G has introduced me to some interesting people. I don't understand why J never liked his friends, I think they are cool.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Really need some clear logical thinking help this morning.
First some facts:
At D and I's meeting with the A's in like May I think it was the house was supposed to be got ready to go on the market in 30 days. We each were supposed to get our cr*p, (my A's term), out and get it presentable. Nothing happened on that, we neither one discussed it even.
Divorce was final in July but papers didn't come till August and still nothing was done to get the house ready to sell.
Looking at this after the fact I don't feel either A was too great on writing up things on the house but D's built in more protection for him than mine did for me.
What they say is while I am still in the house I am supposed to coordinate any inside repairs we agree upon and he is supposed to take care of any outside repairs. It is not specified who is to pay for repairs, it was implied in discussions that it would be D because of the difference in income level. But whoever pays for them that comes out of the equity before it is split.
Now we get to the part that if I were strictly being financial oriented, it is in my best interest at this point for us to sell the house quickly, because he gets to pull house payments he makes after Aug. 1st out before the equity is split. So he isn't getting hurt by the house sitting but I am actually losing money.
But I haven't been pushing because I am still emotionally attached to the house, plus to push him means unpleasantness and I am a pretty good conflict avoider myself.
This is mainly why G has offered his assistance. Because he can look at it unemotionally and see what needs to be done. Plus D not returning my phone calls and being unreachable is driving me nuts as I have no idea what his plans are on the house at all.
G says he won't mind to call J's for him if necessary and I won't do that ever again.
So actually if anyone is stalling it is him as he doesn't return messages about the house or discuss needed repairs.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
We are all so much better for having found this website I think, whether we saved our marriages or not. 
