First NO, NO, NO...forgetting your AD's is NOT a sign you're ready to got it without them...it's a sign of being busy, stressed and having your schedule turned upside down from moving.
And YES, YES, YES...you ARE better, much MUCH better. I love how Sage always beats me to the punch...That whole dropping the rope thing (he knows how to contact me) is GREAT and exactly what you need to do.
PAM if I got that terse e-mail from D, I'd be mightily P.O.'d. It puts all responsibility squarely on your shoulders. No offer of support, help, nada.
Just what ARE your obligations to PK now? I mean legally. You're moved out, the pups are with you (or are they yet?)...is HE keeping the place? Is it up for sale?
Just trying to see if you can reduce PK stress by really dropping the rope there. It WAS his place too, no?
Over all, holy cow, girl...you're doing fantastic. This new subdivision sounds great...and all those fears of not making friends, of not being "able" to move (Yes it IS stressful and NOT something I like doing...us homey types rarely do)....I really hope you're sufficiently pleased with yourself!!
I am still having ups and downs it seems. Of course today is also cramps as I started.
Had another very short not to nice sounding e-mail from D to start my morning off. He seems mad, and I have no idea why! I mean he has his divorce, I am out of the house so he can start getting it ready to sell. What else does he expect of me? I have no idea.
Shiny, neither A did worth a darn on sitting up guidelines on PK. It is very much in our hands and right now the utilities aren't being paid and I am not even sure the mortgage payment is being made, but there is certainly no way I could make it now. I think it would be silly to let the bank take the house so hopefully he isn't going to do that, but to me the responses I have gotten are more about anger than logic to work on the house. Does that make any sense to anyone as to why he would be angry now? I have not been bothering him at all. I think he plans to sell the house but he has not let me know anything. Basically other than these two short terse e-mails he doesn't communicate with me at all.
I have to really just drop the rope as I can't afford to maintain my new house and do stuff at PK. So it is all whether he decides to let it sit or get it ready to sell, or move into it.
Then this afternoon I guess I was being the overly solicitous, did I do something and G was having a REALLY bad day, he raised his voice to me on the phone. He had to go to the funeral home Monday night for two different visitations, one was his pastor and one was a relative of a friend who was 20 years old and had committed suicide. Apparently these two things plus probably still some divorce junk were upsetting him and I thought I had said something to upset him. My Ms. Fix it I guess pushed a button.
Then I got home and tried to get the shelties walked and the fence people showed up which is great except the shelties didn't get to potty. All they wanted to do was bark. So the evening is bound to get better and tomorrow be a better day!
I guess I'm not too pleased with myself as I feel I'm not managing things in my life too well right at the moment!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Had another very short not to nice sounding e-mail from D to start my morning off. He seems mad, and I have no idea why! I mean he has his divorce, I am out of the house so he can start getting it ready to sell. What else does he expect of me? I have no idea.
Ask him.
In a simple, non-assusatory, concise way -- like "I feel like you're angry with me. Are you?" and then follow it up with "I'm confused about the expecations around PK and who is doing what, would you work out a plan with me?"
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I did send him this e-mail yesterday morning. Not nice and direct like yours. I don't think I will ever get this interacting thing worked out. I hate having people upset with me and now D and G are upset.
From the tone of your recent e-mails I am feeling that you are upset over something.
Whatever it is I am willing to talk about it or if not I still really don't want to fight.
Fighting leaves me feeling icky. Would prefer that not be the way I remember you.
I think I will just let him cool down from whatever is bothering him. He will probably eventually contact me and I certainly have enough to keep me busy at the new house right now!
The fence is coming along. The guy to hang my light and work on my ceiling fan is either coming down tonight or tomorrow night. My entertainment center is coming today and my neighbor's sister is hanging my blinds today!!!
Sooo progress.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
My entertainment center came and neighbor and her sister worked on putting it together yesterday. It is a bear!
I have blinds in my bedroom, temporary shades in the dinning room and office, the ones I had for the kitchen window and kids room were too wide. My neighbor exchanged them for me as she was going to Home Depot yesterday afternoon!!!
How did I get so lucky to have such a wonderful neighbor????
Her sister does odd jobs so I'm paying her for her stuff but M is just being great!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I am up and about early too. Didn't sleep very well as I think that in the back of my head I am fretting abut H being on his way to Brazil. Thought stopping has never been my strong suit.
I see that you and D still haven't worked out the intricacies of the separation of responsibilities. yuk. I too have had interactions where it seems like even the nonaccusatory things that I say come out sounding like a court indictment. Not saying that is what you are doing, just saying that I know that it is hard when we want to say the right things and because we are so emotionally involved they all sound wrong to the recipient.
Just keep perservering.
I have seen you say several times that D got what he wanted ie. the D. I would tend to think that on some level that is true, but on some other levels it isn't. I am not sure that any one truly ever wants a D, they just can't see any hope or any other option or don't want to work on it, etc.
So even though D got what he thinks he wanted, it doesn't mean that it's easy for him or that he doesn't have feelings abou it.
I am sure that there are a lot of feelings intertwined in all of these interactions.
Hang in there and don't necc be the one to always pick up the slack concerning PK. Some of it belongs to him and he will need to figure that out.
Thank you for this post. Am feeling sort of down over D.
Even though we were divorced we were still friendly, now he is short and cold if there is any communication at all. So I think I am dealing with the loss of what was left of our friendship now.
I really am dropping the rope on PK. I just can't carry responsibility for both houses. I still run in ever so often to check on the fans I have running and check the mail, but otherwise I stay away from it.
Hope to feel better by next week.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I hate having people upset with me and now D and G are upset. 