This "public forum" is not the best place for couples to discuss things. It does help to get others' opinions. Each person here interprets what you write in his/her own way and responds likewise. Sometimes, this sounds like criticism or "taking sides." I'm sure none of us intends to do that.
You both seem to be interested in dealing with your issues... but trying to out-martyr each other is not going to help. Talk to each other. Go out on a limb and be brutally honest with each other. Hiding how you feel is not helping either of you.
What do you both NEED from each other? And what do you both WANT from each other? Do you want to admit these to each other?
