Well CN, first I'd have to imagine receiving head. It's been too long, ya know?
And TL - stop taking offense, please. We are not criticizing you, we are trying to help you. CN's comment was directed to me, not you, and I doubt she was trying to offend you.
Yes, I was asking HD if HE could imagine falling asleep, I know with his sense of humor, he would take it the way I meant it. T_L, I know that you are trying to solve some very serious problems and don't want to offend you. I don't want to make light of your pain, but when levity is offered up, it sometimes helps to partake.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
TL, Truly it is not meant to criticize..just to point out ways in which there is room for improvement. Notice that I am pointing the finger as much at your W as you. The same could be done with my marriage...my H does dumbass things like fall asleep during foreplay (more often than not) and I do dumbass things like act cold and distant the next day. So we are not being mean, just pointing out that we all do dumb things. Why not just say, Yeah that was stupid of me.... and let it go? Oh and I do lots more dumb things than acting cold and distant but they are specific to my situation and would elicit a "huh?" response. My H falling asleep during foreplay seems to be something that a lot of people can relate to on this board.
Why not make some calls to counselors that specialize in helping couples deal with ED? I think you two would do great because you are so obviously in love and want to work it out...high motivation is half the battle, wouldn't you say?
I woudl be open to that as long as it did not turn into another bashing session on the W. It truely seems that every C we have been to has wnated to blame every thingf on W. I have owned this problem to all of them and they all want to just say that the W needs to be less demanding and more understanding, well im my opinion that is BS. She deserves a better life then what she has now and I want it to be with me but I can't seem to do what it takes to make it happen. I mean every now and again I start getting W to see how much I love and appreciate her and then it seems like with in a couple of days it is back to the same old thing before I even know what the hell happened. THis in my mind is the root of the whole FING thing, getting me to know when things are starting to go bad and stopping it before it is already to late and the W gets hurt yet again...........
To keep you mind on this stuff and keep it working I really think you need to make goals. Not goals that you say just say I will do better at making love to my W but goals that say I will make love to my W once a week. These goals you need to WRITE DOWN so you can read them on a regualar basis. You also need to write down how you know that you have reached that goal. ie I know that I have made love to my W once a week because we have made love every week for X amount of weeks or somthing to that effect. I believe that with out writing this stuff down you will not beable keep track of what you are doing. It hopefully will help keep you motivated.
I will have to give it some thought that is for sure. Kinda dont like the idea of writing it down just doenst set right with me but I understand what you are saying
Quote: I am fine with whatever turns my H on.... except that it is ALMOST never me.
ricsgrl, is it OK for TL to get aroused than bring the results to you or is it very important to be the source of arousal?
Quote: I have never felt more inadequate and unattractive then I did when while performing oral on my H he FELL asleep.
I feel your pain sistah, this once happened to me in my single days, I never felt more humiliated.
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
This "public forum" is not the best place for couples to discuss things. It does help to get others' opinions. Each person here interprets what you write in his/her own way and responds likewise. Sometimes, this sounds like criticism or "taking sides." I'm sure none of us intends to do that.
You both seem to be interested in dealing with your issues... but trying to out-martyr each other is not going to help. Talk to each other. Go out on a limb and be brutally honest with each other. Hiding how you feel is not helping either of you.
What do you both NEED from each other? And what do you both WANT from each other? Do you want to admit these to each other?
