I think you need to get a book on ED and read up on it.
It is not as simple as what you are making it out to be (relax), especially in light of the fact that he is nervous and ashamed, etc. How can he relax and enjoy it when he is always worried that it won't work and you will be disappointed? That is a tremendous amount of pressure.
I feel for you but this is a problem that BOTH of you are handling incorrectly, imo. Try to see it from his POV and work towards a middle ground. I fear that if you keep holding out for him to do things your way, you will always be disappointed and lose out on what could be a great sexual R.
