As most of you have already guessed or at least thougth TL is my wonderful husband I am so lucky to be married to someone who is willing to try anything to make our R & M last. I need to let everyone know however that after 5 years of trying everything I possibly can ie: books,counselling, doctors, talking, argueing , begging, pleading and more. I have heard all of it and I still dont necessarily believe that my huband is attracted to me in the least. I know I will hear from all of you and I WILL listen . Whoever said that I might be pushing my problems off on the ED or LD.... I dont agree at all. I was VERY secure in my sexuality and femininty when we began dating... When your advances as HDW get pushed aside as not important enough to "waste" the time or energy it tends to have a direct affect on how one feels about oneself. Even getting the so called looks from other men do nothing but embarrass me and make me feel uncomfortable.
Well you don't believe that he is attracted to you because he does not pursue you sexually. This is ENTIRELY understandable. I think all the HDW's have been there. And there is a LARGE portion of truth in that statement--if someone says they are sexually attracted to you, then they would logically want to be with you sexually, right!
I found that reading Passionate Marriage (the very first relationship book I ever read) helped with this a lot. If I was sexy and attractive BEFORE I met my H, then why would that have changed? However, I believe what you are saying is that you are not certain if you are attractive to him. The only thing that really eliminated this nagging question in my mind was him taking a sexual interest in me. All the other stuff was just him blowing sunshine up my dress. I needed action.
But I would still say that this is not "the real issue". If his equipment is not working properly, how is that a reflection on how attracted he is to you? I can see how utterly tempting it would be to give in to this type of thinking but I don't see this as the core problem. JMO
I am SOOOOO attracted to him it isnt even funny. I truly think that he is a genuinely gorgeous man. Pretty much just seeing him n his uniform gets my heart racing...and my mind thinking of all the wonderful things I could do to the body underneath that uniform
Well thanks for the kind words. But you did not really answer HP's question about "But I would still say that this is not "the real issue". If his equipment is not working properly, how is that a reflection on how attracted he is to you? I can see how utterly tempting it would be to give in to this type of thinking but I don't see this as the core problem. JMO
ok, Im not trying to be the representaiveof men on this board but having said that here goes:
Attaction and sex, provided that the equipment is working ok, men can have pleasurable sex with a women that isn't necessarrily attracted to. Im not trying to trivialize attraction, passion, romance, etc (see my other posts for more details), but someone who we are not attraced to, can turn us on and result in us wanting to have sex.
I cant say that any woman could get me turned on, but the efforts that you seem to go to would definately be a turn on for me or most men. There is a difference of getting turned on by a spouse or getting turned on by someone else. I could get very turned on by a lap dance at a strip club, not saying I would want to have sex with her, or would be necessarrily attraced to her.
Ok I agree that guys can be turned on by someone or something other than there wives and I am fine with whatever turns my H on.... except that it is ALMOST never me. NO matter what lengths I go to to arouse him. I have never felt more inadequate and unattractive then I did when while performing oral on my H he FELL asleep. Who can come out of that situation with sexuality and feminity in tact?
my point is, dont start thinking is it me and have the self confidence problem. Im almost certainly sure it isn't you. I'm not saying that you are perfect, but inadiqate an unatractive i dont think is the problem. Falling asleep during a BJ isn't your problem it is his. wishing I would get woken up with one!!!)
That was a long time ago. And in my defense as it is seeming that I need to defend myself at the moment. When you initiate things 85% or better of the time things work. Yes I get excited watching movies and having you by my side is the biggest bonus of them. Plus I do believe that you also enjoy the outcome of watching these types of movies. I will apologize again in this forum for falling alseep and how that made you feel. I do not have any EXCUSES that I will offer just my apology.
TL and RG, since you both seem to be talking about the problem, and the problem is more about your differences, why dont you sit down and talk about it,
I am so lucky to be married to someone who is willing to try anything to make our R & M last. I need to let everyone know however that after 5 years of trying everything I possibly can ie: books,counselling, doctors, talking, argueing , begging, pleading and more. I have heard all of it and I still dont necessarily believe that my huband is attracted to me in the least. I know I will hear from all of you and I WILL listen . Whoever said that I might be pushing my problems off on the ED or LD.... I dont agree at all. I was VERY secure in my sexuality and femininty when we began dating... When your advances as HDW get pushed aside as not important enough to "waste" the time or energy it tends to have a direct affect on how one feels about oneself. Even getting the so called looks from other men do nothing but embarrass me and make me feel uncomfortable. 