Mer- What a great start to a thread! Dealing with old resentments is where I'm at right now as well. Case in point - I was really grouchy last Saturday, and H wanted to go to his shop to get another carload of stuff, and to post a note with our numbe on it so people who wanted piercings could call. He said he'd be right back so I could go take some time for myself. He wasn't back an hour later, and I couldn't reach him at the shop. I had no idea where he went.
I got a little crazy - afraid, angry...and drove to the shop. I got there and the note was there, but the shop was closed, and Dustin's car was nowhere to be found. So I went back home, and there was a message on the answering machine from him saying he would be back in a few.
He got back and I was livid. I didn't just eat fish, I flame-broiled it and swallowed it whole. Apparently he decided in the middle of his drive home to drive out to Macon (20 minutes away) and visit his friend's dad to find out how his car was doing. And I asked him "couldn't you have stopped by the house and let me know?" He admitted he didn't even think about that.
Honestly, I reacted that way because I was afraid. It brought up my fears of abandonment, fears that I've made the wrong decision, etc. I was resentful because him disappearing like that without letting me know made me feel unimportant, especially when I told him I really needed to get out of the house.
So, it is really hard! He didn't have any intention of making me feel as badly as I did, but I was really angry with him! I handled it pretty badly (still better than I would have, but there was yelling). Anyway, if I had been taking care of myself the way I should have, that wouldn't have bothered me so much. It was inconsiderate of him, but my goal is to tell him this in a way that doesn't make me feel bad (i.e. yelling). Stuffing my feelings down doesn't seem to work, because they seem to expand when stuffed into small spaces (like water when it freezes!).
I am trying to learn to communicate how I feel in a way that makes me feel like I am getting my point across and being respected, and isn't ripping the other person down. For me, resentments and fears go hand in hand, and they all trace back to the same fear that "I am not important."
That's my $.02! Hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
