This morning, I did something different. Usually, right before I exit the house, I go to our bedroom, lean over the bed, kiss my wife goodbye, and tell her to have a great day. Sometimes, I resent this "habit," especially after an argument, when I don't feel particularly like kissing her. However, when I didn't kiss her goodbye, she has called me on my cellphone and given me hell, telling me that I'm not helping things, that I did this just to hurt her, etc.

(about 20 minutes have passed...she DID call me, but I'll go into that in a sec)

So I just said, "Goodbye" and left. It felt good. It felt that way because I was being true to myself...I wasn't doing something I didn't feel like doing.

She called. She asked my why I didn't kiss her goodbye. I told her it was because I was still angry about the abuse allegations, and, although I appreciated her apology, I wasn't ready to forgive yet. She wanted to make sure it wasn't because I was "punishing" her. I said, "no. I just didn't feel like kissing you. It's one of the consequences of what you did to me, but it's not my intent to punish you."

She went into a long rant on how she feels alone and I "never" give her any support in this town to which she moved for MY benefit. I told her that I didn't doubt that was how she felt about it (thanks, Corri), but that I wasn't going to go into all the ways I did support her. She wants me to provide her with all the support she needs (emotional, financial, time, an ever-changing target), but is not willing to even listen to my needs (which are simple, free, concrete, and measurable) until she "gets her life together."

I reminded her that I had brought up my needs to her years ago, years before a move to KC was even contemplated, and she had told me she would "work on it." I see little progress, not to mention the fact that "working on it" is just kind of insulting in and of itself. Why did you marry me if you have to work so hard on desiring me?

She told me that she was on the edge, emotionally. I suggested that she go to counseling (I didn't mention marriage counseling because, at this point, I didn't want it to be about "me" or "us," just her). She said she can't fulfill her obligations now, and can't imagine making time to see a counselor. I can't force her to go, or to make time for herself. All I can do is offer to be there to take up the slack when she is not there, which is what I already do.

Nothing was resolved during the call. As someone else has said on this thread, we seem to be unable to talk WITH each other, and just talk AT each other.

Let's look, for second, back at the bright side: I didn't sacrifice my SELF this morning by doing what has become expected of me.

Hairdog - looking forward to working out in the fitness center at lunch.