Quote: What I think I need to say to her is, "this is OUR room. It is OUR bed. It is OUR house. You need to recognize that and respect it. If there is some time when you need some private time in a room in which you feel safe, try to ask nicely and I will consider sleeping elsewhere. But stop forcing me out...it just makes me want to dig my heels in, and I know you are a heel-digger, too, so you should be able to respect that from me."
The above is truth. Why do you NEED to state the obvious? What does that get you, except a fight? You stating to her what she needs to do or not do is only going to get you a face full.
There are times when actions speak far louder, and much more clearly, than words. If she needs her space in the room the two of you share, let her ask you for it. And then when she asks you for it, decide if you can indulge her or not.
Anything else is speculation and projection. If tonight she says something like, "I thought you were moving out of the bedroom," you can say, "I decided not to." If she asks why, then you can say, "because it is our room. If you need space, there are plenty of places in this house where you can find it and use it for however long you wish. I will understand. But I do not believe our room to be space that one claim as their own."
If she wants to fume and sputter, let her. If she locks you out, sleep on the couch. She'll get over it. Her actions don't have to change your POV. That's your domain.
Dang, Mojo, you got my squeezy bits all a-quivering.
I just sent an email to my W, asking about a mundane DD3 related matter. She replied with an answer and this:
Quote: Also, as to you living in the basement, if that’s what you want to do, that’s fine with me, but I think you need to consider the effect it may have on your kids before moving things
I wrote back:
Quote: I’ve decided not to move to the basement. I will stay in our room and sleep in our bed. If you need to be in there alone for whatever reason, please ask me to leave in a respectful, courteous manner, and I may choose to go and sleep elsewhere. But please don’t order or demand me to leave. It just makes me want to dig my heels in deeper. You’ve admitted to me that you’re a heel-digger, too, so I hope you can understand where I’m coming from.
We can still have the SSM party in the basement. Let's shoot for November, as HP will surely be able to travel by then.
Hairdog, that's a perfect email. Our bedroom, our bed. But, I'd tell her if she needs time alone, SHE can go to the basement.
And, BTW, it's my premise that within a marriage, her boobs are also joint property, and therefore yours to squeeze (and fondle and lick) as you please. As long as you treat each other's parts nicely, seems like they should up always up for sharing. I think nicely is defined by the person they are attached to, but it has to do with things like "no teeth" or even "too ticklish", not whether or not they can be touched!
I realize that for now, Mrs HD is not up to hearing that her boobs are joint property, but you made a damned good start with the bed/bedroom ownership.
Perhaps your next hurdle is about how touching in your sleep is not something that deserves any fussing? After all, how can you be held accountable for something you do in your sleep????
Moving to the basement will violate the "Close Proximity" that PM'ing says to keep. You have to self soothe in close proximity. I know, I think about moving out of the bedroom all the time, it really is hard NOT to.
Quote: And, BTW, it's my premise that within a marriage, her boobs are also joint property, and therefore yours to squeeze (and fondle and lick) as you please. As long as you treat each other's parts nicely, seems like they should up always up for sharing.
I'm hoping that you are just kidding around... 'cuz the way I see it, honey, my boobs are my boobs and they are definitely NOT joint property of the marriage.
Uh, I don't tink so. Even Snarch says they aren't. If it is non-negotiable in your opinion, then you need to stand firm on your assertion that you should be able to touch at will, but you darned well better consider the needs/desires of the person to whom they are attached to as well if you want to improve your marriage.
