Quote: What I think I need to say to her is, "this is OUR room. It is OUR bed. It is OUR house. You need to recognize that and respect it. If there is some time when you need some private time in a room in which you feel safe, try to ask nicely and I will consider sleeping elsewhere. But stop forcing me out...it just makes me want to dig my heels in, and I know you are a heel-digger, too, so you should be able to respect that from me."
The above is truth. Why do you NEED to state the obvious? What does that get you, except a fight? You stating to her what she needs to do or not do is only going to get you a face full.
There are times when actions speak far louder, and much more clearly, than words. If she needs her space in the room the two of you share, let her ask you for it. And then when she asks you for it, decide if you can indulge her or not.
Anything else is speculation and projection. If tonight she says something like, "I thought you were moving out of the bedroom," you can say, "I decided not to." If she asks why, then you can say, "because it is our room. If you need space, there are plenty of places in this house where you can find it and use it for however long you wish. I will understand. But I do not believe our room to be space that one claim as their own."
If she wants to fume and sputter, let her. If she locks you out, sleep on the couch. She'll get over it. Her actions don't have to change your POV. That's your domain.
