Quote: my W is in the habit of going away for a few days and giving me a long list of things to do. When she returns and inevitably, one of the things didn't get done, she nails me
What would happen if when she gives you the list and there are 10 things on it, you say, "I'll get to five of these, if I can. I'm telling you this ahead of time so you won't get mad that I didn't do all of them. I realize they're all important, and I'll do as many as I can, but I will do at least five."
If she says, "Then let me tell you which five are the most important," you say, "No, that would take all the fun out of it for me. I'LL choose which five and surprise you!"
If there are 20, say you'll do 10. If there are 50, keep it at 10.
I would never do this to my bf BTW, and never did it to my husband either. I was very uncomfortable asking for help with stuff around the house. Felt like it was ALL my responsibility. I guess because it was that way when I was a kid. My mom and I did all chores, repairs, moving furniture, etc. My bf does MANY things for me on his own (which is a real treat-- his LL is acts of service) and actually wants to know what I want him to do (but I'm still not real comfortable asking).
