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well, I have no illusions, but I'm not walking away. I don't see what it would solve, and I'm not leaving my boy to grow up without a father. besides that, I am their only means of support, and I can't afford 2 housholds. If we have to live like room-mates for the next 20 years, then so be it.



cac4

I don't know what point you are in your own M, but I can tell you, I've felt that way myself. I have 4 kids, and I had just given up, and was ready to live like roommates...hey, that's what we were doing. What did it get me? Nothing. Meaning, I felt dead. At 40. I couldn't cry, I couldn't play (I'm a musician)...I was able to be there for my kids, but that's about it. I came close to starting an EA which I know would have lead to a PA, and I also know that that would have caused a lot more hardship...Not to mention, what kind of mother can I be to my kids if I'm dead inside? I can keep it up for a while, but for how long? And trust me, kids get it a lot more than most adults give them credit for.

Am I any better off right now? If you read my thread, you'll see I'm not to far off from were HD is, but somehow, better off than I was. I know now what I have to do, (and if I ever get up the guts to do it , I might get somewhere ), and I'm able to talk to my H, even get a hug or kiss occasionally.

And, most important, I'm regaining myself.

But, in the end, you have to decide what's important. I couldn't leave right now, but in 5 yrs...certainly if things haven't gotten any better, after I've done a lot more work. I do know it's not fair to my kids to just stay in it for them, either. My parent's did that. They divorced when I was in my 20's. My dad went on and made a new life for himself, my mom didn't. And blames all of us for it, can't see what she had to do with it. She is a very bitter woman, very difficult to be with. What would have been different if they had divorced alot earlier? Ok, I would have had to put up with a lot of cr*p from mom. I did anyway, but I was away at school when the actual D was going on, so I got saved the brunt of mom's poison during that, I could just hang up the phone when it got too bad. Otherwise, I still have to deal with mom's anger, don't get to have family holidays...

HD, big hugs to you. I hope you find it in you to stand strong long enough for W to figure out what you've got in you. I wish I had some advice, but my brain's too full of my own sitch right now to think straight about anyone else's. But I'm thinking of you.