Hairdog:

I hope you understand that I feel absolutely no smugness whatsoever in being 'right.' It's just... I've fought this fight your wife is hurtling at you... it's more along the lines of "it takes one to know one."

This is going to be a tough day for me to talk at you... but let me ask you: is your name on the house deed and the mortgage? If so, do not leave the house. Doing so will put you in the position of appearing guilty (advice from my own attorney at one point in my life). Let her call 911 on you if she choses to do so. In any instance, remain calm.

My advice to you right now is to lay low and let her calm down. I wouldn't send any emails, I wouldn't even bring up the topic again, not yet, unless she does. If your wife ever threatens you again by saying she should go live with her mother, or at some other location, look her in the eye and tell her she should do what she feels is best. Do not beg.

Hairdog, I know I keep sending you into this corner, but if you want help, you are going to have to decide what the non-negotiables are in your life. I swear to you, by not taking the time to figure this out, you are creating for yourself immense misery. The only way this is going to end for you is to either draw a boundary with your wife, or leave.

If you leave, you lose. If you draw a boundary, your wife has no choice but to either change or leave you, neither of which you can control. By drawing the boundary, the crucible is in her court, where it needs to be. By NOT drawing a boundary, she keeps you hostage.

When you draw a boundary, she goes ballistic on you. You retreat, the boundary is erased, she wins.

I wouldn't discuss one thing with her of any sort of merit until you figure this out. Take all the time you need. If you ever get it figured out, let me know.

Chin up, guy. I ALWAYS back the Underdog. And you're one of my favs.

Corri