Quote: sex twice per week, more affection and less criticism, say)
I actually have said to her that I want "to make love at least once per week." I think the "list" idea is good, and I would definitely keep it short: ML, less criticism, and more hugs and kisses. And yes, a list from her would only be fair, too.
HD, I think you might have missed an opportunity. When your wife work you up asking if you were going crazy etc., you should have said "Yes I am" and climbed on top of her and gone to town!
I often think this of HD's wife...that she "initiates" by being vague and antagonistic. She is too shy/awkward/proud to admit that she wants sex from him, so she tries to antagonize him into saying HE wants it and then she can "give in". I know this is a typical HDW view...but I can say that my own sister does this so it is possible right!
I mean, she wasn't always uninterested in sex was she Hairy? How did she used to initiate back in the day?
My guess is that your W knows what you are talking about but will play dumb on this one. Once you bring up sex she will try and pounce so yet again you will need to give her the EC=SEX for you. Let her know in very plain english(as opposed to chinese or some other language) of what will happen if this doesn't happen. SET that BOUNDRY.
Quote: I don't think I ever gave her the chance to initiate. I'm kind of an Energizer Bunny that way.
Did you get the feeling that she was more "into it" back then. I mean not just less rejecting, but actually pro-active or sex positive. Did she ever make suggestions or take charge of the action once you were already going? My H has told me that in the other relationships in which he was LD, he didn't start out LD but became that way over time and he doesn't seem LD in the context of any individual encounter. I guess I'm wondering if your W has never really liked sex or is prone to becoming LD in relationships or is just LD in terms of your relationship or just happened to become LD while in a relationship with you. I guess I feel like the more it has to do with your relationship, the easier it is to find a solution. In the other situations, the current relationship is just an easy excuse for the problem. I guess the solution is the same in any case, but it might be helpful to know how much resistance you might encounter.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
of what will happen if this doesn't happen. SET that BOUNDRY.