You're not crazy. I had the same thought myself because I made the same mistake myself. I kept using pseudonyms for sex like saying "I want a more passionate marriage." instead of saying "I want to have sex more than once or twice a month.". It is really tough to come out and say it all at once, but it would save HD the trouble of having to have 3 or 4 "crucible" convos like I wound up having.
Whether or not HD's wife will be able to put it right back on him depends on who she thinks is responsible for the lack of emotiona closeness. In my sich, my H had to cop to being responsible for that too (at least in the conventionally recognized "being a jerk" sense. I was responsible too, but in the more societally acceptable "being a wimp" sense.) so he started working on that right away. If Mrs. HD feels like HD is the one withholding emotional connection then she won't see that she has any work to do.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
