Well, yeah... duh. My way of saying to you... you can't get any clearer.
And do I think an email is the coward's way out? Absolutely not. Invite her to lunch, or dinner, or set a date/time, whatever, at the end so you can continue the conversation, if you wish. But it does get a conversation going without involving emotion up front to set a tone... you know what I mean? AND... it not only commits HER to the topic, it commits YOU. It's not a coward's way out, it's a way to get the coward going... uhm,... I mean... way to get the ball rolling.
Quote: But isn't sending this in an email a copout?
I don't think so because if you verbalized it you would be making a little speech rather than having a conversation anyways. Besides sending it as an e-mail gives her the opportunity to decide how she wants to react.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
You don't know when you'll talk to your W next, so just send the email. Those words deserve to be in your W's head, not just in yours or "on paper."
If you're like me (and I think you just might be), you rehearse in your mind what you'll say to your W... and change it 100 times as you think of her possible responses. By the time you and W are alone and "there's nothing else going on" (no possible distractions to interrupt the convo) - you lose the initiative or nerve or forget the AWESOME way that you were going to start the conversation. So, the email is good and you can expand on it later.
Good luck!!
- Chris (whose W finally told him that deep, important conversation builds her EC to him).
Sending an email might give her time to think about what you are telling her and give her time to formulate a response. I'm sure that you wnat to find out where that "girlfriend" comment came from...
I suppose sharing with her one of Rush Limbaugh's "Undeniable Truths of Life" -- that "Feminism was created so as to give ugly women access to the mainstream of society" would be a BAD idea, then...
Just kidding.
Choc., whose "Undeniable Truths" include "If you tell me you want to make love to me, it's 'PRESSURE,' and if you DON'T tell me you want to make love to me, that's 'PRESSURE' too, cuz I know you really want to make love to me . . ."
OK, since my nickname is "e-mail man," I'll comment on this.
I think e-mail is a GREAT way to say EXACTLY what you want to say, with the words you want to use, and THEN USE IT AS THE STARTING POINT FOR AN IN-PERSON CONVERSATION. So long as it's not used to AVOID a conversation, or IN PLACE OF one, I not only think there's nothing wrong with it, I think it's PREFERABLE. In-person conversations about "hot-button" issues tend to get the other person's defense mechanism up INSTANTLY, and then the entire conversation is filtered thru it and you're not really "heard."
Just my opinion -- but I think your words are loving and true.
Quote: Thanks for the input. Looks like the voting is in and it's a sweep for the email. Now, why am I getting all nervous about it?
Because finding a nice way to say "You're being a total selfish bitch, and I'm a really good guy, and if you don't knock it off, I'm leaving... but I still really love you!" isn't easy.
If there's one thing we all know YOU CAN DO, it's write, brother.
Well, I sent it. I cut out the part about the moral code and celibate marriage...trying to keep it as short as possible, and trying to leave out anything that will make her go ballistic. You know...baby steps.
I will keep you all updated.
Hairdog - nervous as my big Boxer boy at the veterinarian's office.
