GGB: I haven't skipped those steps, except perhaps on this most recent issue of grape jelly. I have told her many times that I want her to stop criticizing me, and that I deserve better treatment than the dogs (The dogs get attention, loving, petting, concern about their health, etc.). She focuses on the factual nature of her criticism, and backs this up with lists of other behaviors from the past. It's the ol' "truth is a defense" argument.
If I thought the same way she did, I would tell her the truth - that she's put on about 50 pounds since I met her and her abdomen is pendulous, that her clothes don't fit well, that her choice of clothing makes her look dowdy, that her views on feminism are so extreme that it makes people think she's crazy, that when we do make love she is basically lousy in bed due to her lack of enthusiasm, that she is elitist, that she is rude, that she is narcissistic, etc. I could easily have her in tears telling her the truth about herself.
But I don't tell her those things, because, even though they are the truth, they don't need to be shared. She basically knows each of those "facts" and doesn't need to be reminded of them. Just like I know I have "cut corners" on certain projects in the past and have met with bad results. Just like I know I am not good with managing money. Just like I know that I am not perfect.
The truth doesn't need to be shared because the only reason behind sharing the truth in these circumstances would be to hurt the other person. As I once heard, "the thing about people who are brutally honest is that they are usually more interested in the brutality than the honesty."
And, InHerJourney - don't worry, I won't forget my inner wink. I just need to let her know that I am not going to put up with her crap any more.
