I feel rather unqualified to answer, but it seems to me that you kind of skipped a few steps. I think instead of going doormat on W, you need to calmly tell her how her criticism is making you feel, exactly the way you just posted it here. It almost sounds like she's jsut pushing you to see just how far you'll let her get away with it. I'm certainly no expert on PM as I am still struggling with it myself, but I don't think HOM means being a doormat. Rather it means standing up for what you believe, stating it calmly and not backing down.
Example. after:
Quote: I mentioned this to my W last night, noting that I planned to re-cook it later. She said, "yet another example of you doing something half-assed and endind up with bad results, or having to do it over. I don't know why you didn't just go out and buy a jelly thermometer in the first place."
HD: are you finished? Your criticism has made me feel unappreciated and hurt. You bought grapes that were not going to be used otherwise, so rather than throwing them away I decided to try my hand at making jelly. I enjoyed making the jelly, regardless of the outcome and (perhaps) I bettered myself by learning from my mistakes. You do not have to eat it if you don't like the way I did it, so frankly, I don't see why it matters to you how it came out.
Or something along those lines... The idea is don't just sit there and take it. Calm down for a minute, let her finish her tirade, then calmly let the air out of her tires.
--GGB, who'd like to dump a little of that grape syrup on his W (but not on her head)
