As someone with former "doormat" status, I really feel for you. The reason you are so angry and resentful, IMO, is that you are doing things or not doing things in order to get laid that have nothing to do with getting laid. In a way you are doing the opposite of holding on to yourself. You are pre-emptively caving on the sex issue. It is just the same as if you had presented your W with a two choice dilemma and instead of holding on to yourself in the face of her reaction, you backed down and apologized or got cold and distant or angry. You are trying to mind-read your W's response to the possibility of such a two-choice dilemma and you are backing down OR getting angry before you even present her with the choices.
You need to get in touch with your sexy side. Do the mental equivalent of putting on a leather jacket and telling yourself that you look damn good in it. Realize just how good it feels to be a sexual being. Then with your balls fully inflated, go give your W the two-choice dilemma that you know you need to give her before you have an aneurism.
You need to put your wife in the crucible before you can really experience the "joy" of holding on to yourself.
Hugs,
MM
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
