I think that the concept of HOY comes into play AFTER you have stated your needs. You should be holding onto yourself in the face of her freaking on you about your unreasonable needs. Imo, it is NOT about being a doormat whatsoever.
Her tirade was totally uncalled for. So you didn't have a jelly thermometer. What about her dumbass move of buying grapes that she knew nothing about??
I think you should lay some ground rules with her. I would calmly and politely tell her that the next time you get criticized for something silly like that that she can expect all her worst nightmares about "men" to come true and you will go medieval on her arse. Then follow through on the very next occasion that it happens.
Follow thru seems to be key with this woman. She appears to be constantly testing you to see if you are serious or just mouthing off.
Now...on to something pleasant. The grape syrup. What about keeping it in the jars and using it for grape juice concentrate?
When I was a child, we had concord grape vines and my mom used to make jelly every summer. I was JUST telling H this story the other day about how she would save gallon jugs from milk so that she could make huge batches of grape juice in them and freeze them. My mom was very strict and fresh grape juice in the summer was one of the few sweets she would allow us to eat. So I have fond memories of it!
So maybe you can tell your cranky wife that you did it on purpose so that D3 would have a big supply of grape juice. Let me know if it works.
