Thanks for the reply, annette, and for the welcome. I was starting to be afraid that I had stumped the panel.
My bf has recovered from the heart attack physically. He has a lot of stamina and his favorite thing to do is to work in the garden all day-- I mean hard physical labor. He is very active and upbeat and this makes him fun to be around, but he tends to deflect serious stuff. When we talk about the R (correction: when I want to talk about it), he accuses me of "slicing and dicing" it. He wants things to just evolve naturally... of course, he pours fertilizer on the garden by the ton and waters and prunes, etc. It's okay to help nature in the garden but not in our relationship??
Yesterday at the C, he was very frank about how different it is to face the world without booze. I got teary-eyed watching him talk and realizing all the stuff he is coping with right now... not just heart stuff, but no job, no alcohol, troublesome ex-wife (they have twin teenage girls), $$$ troubles, scary-clingy mom... his mom is 86 and owns a bar. At dinner (at a restaurant) on Sunday, she offered him a glass of wine. He's been dry for five months and she offers him a glass of wine. (He turned her down.)
I can certainly be supportive, and I've proved that I am a stalwart caregiver. I just want to know when it is going to be MY TURN?? I get teary-eyed about myself, when I ask the question: When is it going to be someone's priority to be supportive of ME???? I brought this up with the C yesterday, and he and bf seemed to understand. I want to get the Schnarch stuff out and read the part about fusion. Very similar to what you encounter in alanon regarding detachment, etc. I'm coming right up against all my major issues.
(He turned her down.)
